Christian Living

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What You Can Do About Complaining

Have you ever been around someone who is always complaining? The weather is never right, the coffee is always cold, their body is hurting, or whatever the reason for the complaining they use. It makes one feel like running away and hiding somewhere when this happens. One reason this happens is that people don't take time to listen to themselves. Here are a few pointers to help you in these situations:

The Reason for Complaining

Whether it is you or someone else, complaining happens because we are unhappy or dissatisfied with what is happening to or around us. The problem is, that the more you complain, the more you find to complain about. It becomes a vicious circle of unhappiness that spills over into others lives as well.

What You Can Do About It

Many times, at the hospital when someone has gone through so much in a short time, say several illnesses in two years or losses of loved ones, it is hard to look on the bright side of life. This is when you can be a help for someone in this position by asking if good things have happened in their life as well. We forget to look at the positive things that happen to us everyday when our scale is tipping toward the negative.

Another strategy you can use when the conversation is not going as you would like, is to change the subject to a better topic. If you do this enough with someone, they will get the idea you don't want to hear this complaining all the time. Instead of letting the other person unload on you, try to get them to do something about what they are complaining about. This will not work if the person just wants to hear themselves talk, but at least you are directing the responsibility back to them to do something instead of just talking about what is happening.

For instance, if a person is complaining about their aches and pains, and that their doctor has not helped them in this, suggest they look for a new doctor or change medications if he advises it. You don't have to be rude in how you say this, but let them know you are listening by how you respond in this way. Then it is up to them to do something about it, if they are going to. You will also find out whether this person wants relief from their problem or just wants to talk.

Keep this person in your prayers and ask God to show you how to help them break this cycle in their lives. Maybe you need to spend less time around this person or cut back on the time you talk to them on the phone. How is this person's behavior affecting you? Is it depressing you?

Try to think creatively to help this person and ultimately yourself. As you respond in a different manner, this person will be forced to change how they approach you. Look beneath the words to the real problem, and pray about whether you can meet that need. If not, refer them to someone who can help. Listen to this person, and to God for the answer, look for a solution if possible, then ladle it into this situation with love.

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