Humor

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Haul Ass!
© 2014

by


Stephen A. Peterson


Nearly five thousand years ago, Moses, a man chosen by God to lead the Nation of Israel to the Promised Land, following his struggles with the Pharaoh of Egypt, said to the people: “Okay, everyone, pick up your tools and your pots, mount your asses and camels, God and His servant will lead you to the Promise Land given your fathers so many years ago flowing with milk and honey.”

In 1965, President Lyndon Baines Johnson said to a nation weary and suspicious of government: “I declared war on poverty! Lay down your tools, sit on your asses, light up a camel or some pot! Welcome to the Promise Land flowing with free stuff…and have any Honey you want, just don’t let ‘em hang around!”

In 2014, President Barack Obama, the Messiah, said and declared: “This day, I have taken the tools from the rich, taxed their asses, raised the price of their camels, will give you their pot, gotten even with the rich by mortgaging their Promised Land for their crimes against humanity. And for your rewards for following me and voting for me, you may have abortion privileges in perpetuity, free healthcare, free trailers down by the river, food stamps and any honeys you desire! Love will rule! The rough places will be made plain! Oceans will be free of tumult! Racial distress will cease! Harmony will be yours forever and ever. Amen. Says the Lord Obama, The Chosen One!

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