Humor

---

With tongue firmly planted in cheek...

Somewhere in the darkest recesses of my soul resides a teenage terror that sure needs his mouth washed out with soap. Amongst my closest friends I have been told that I should filter what I say...to which I respond, "I am filtering what I say, you should hear me totally unfiltered."

That which I respond most to is what I perceive as ludicrous announcements. Ever since I've been interested in apologetics I've gained the somewhat dysfunctional ability to unravel, in my mind...and sometimes out of my mouth, the little threads that some folks use to justify certain conclusions. If I had remained stupid I would have had more friends and less argumentative conversations with preachers. To be honest with you, some of those moments are embarrassing to me now, while some of those moments should be embarrassing to them. Incidents such as disagreements within a men's group, shining a preacher's shoes, being called out from a pulpit DIRECTLY and, most recently (although a few years ago), indirectly, has made for interesting exchanges and pretty good stories to speak of later. But I'm not so sure that those exchanges have made me a better person or a better Christian.

It would've been nice just to shut down the conversation with some big ole' fat ad hominem, country cussing.

Not cursing.

Cussing.

Of course it couldn't be the normal "momma close your ears" cussing. It would have to be some "biblical" cussing, but the only word that comes to mind quick enough to have any rhetorical force is "Jezebel". Kind of wouldn't work in the situations I've been in. Besides it doesn't really roll off the tongue.

"Son, ya need to get on up dere and shine dem preacher's shoes."

"Jezebel."

Nah. No rhetorical force

How about...

"If'n ya listen to dat Rock n Roll music ya a child of the devil."

Ok...if I listen to SOME of dat Rock n Roll music... I'm a child of bad taste...

How about talking to unbelievers?

The most common refrain is when these Einsteins wish to devalue or marginalize what you're saying by the retort...

"Well you're just closed minded." (not talking about anyone in particular)

GASP !

"Well...you're just a lobster eating, polyester fashionista who lives in the carcass of a pig... ...and an Abominable Gentile."

Sigh...oh yeah...those cream puff invectives will really leave a person's mouth wide open. I'm looking for something a little bit more...mean.

The truth is...there really isn't good cussing in the Bible, except the name of Jezebel on occasion...and that doesn't fit most of the time. Also one should consider that instructions have been given about how to treat folks...you know...give a reason with gentleness and respect...thanks Pete.

So I guess I have to tell that teenager to go to his room and shut his mouth...except...wait a minute...let me try this again...

"Son, ya need to get on up dere and shine dem preacher's shoes."

"Why don't you just go emasculate yourself."

That's biblical...right?

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE AS A MEMBER OR VISITOR