Christian Living

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It pleased the Lord to make Adam and assigned him his terms of references. It also pleased the Lord to make someone suitable for Adam. The first wedding that the Lord conducted was only witnessed by the trinity. The author of marriage has also provided for the human race a reference manual to all entering this holy matrimony. Those living happily in their married life pay a price of conformity to the biblical guidelines handed over by God.
The evil one has also counter offered wrong terms of references for marriage. It is not strange that many would trade marriage with peer pressure, prestige, ego, temporal benefits, Sex, fashion and public appeals.
God designed marriage for the companionship of man and woman [Genesis 2:18] “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”. God, therefore, made a woman comparable or corresponding to him in order to be an associate, a partner, and positional equal before God.
God has equally designed marriage for the mutual help of husband & wife [Genesis 2:18]. This is to complement each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually as the Bible puts that two are better than one.
Each person in marriage should make efforts to contribute to the mutual help of the other partner in a similar way that the body operates [1Corinthians 12:21}.
God has also designed marriage for the purpose of Procreation [Genesis 1:27-28], the marriage bond being the correct environment to rear off-springs. Through this means, children are raised. However, children are a gift from God - Psalms 113:9; 127:3-5; Deuteronomy 7:13; 28:4. Barrenness is a possibility and in these circumstances, adoption may be considered.
Avoiding uncleanness is another reason God has designed marriage, [1Corinthians 7:2, 9]. A man must have his own wife and a woman her own husband. Each person must drink from their own cistern. The two must not deny each other and must not seek marital satisfaction outside marriage.
On a higher level, God designed marriage so that the marriage relationship should be a characterization of Christ’s relationship to his people, the church. The husband’s love to the wife should reflect the gospel message of Christ’s sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:25-30). The marriage relationship must portray Christ’s love to the world.

The union formalised in a package of vows. What an awesome task to reflect on the marriage vows in which life commitments to each other is pledged. Promised in the vows are pledges of love and fidelity until death dissolves the mystic union. These vows are exchanged solemnly but decay in many couples. The question remains to be answered “Why are marriage vows never kept by some? Why is marriage union put asunder against the Lord’s clear command “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” Can God bless remarriage while their first pledge spouse still lives?

A pledge to love is expressed in the husband’s role to love the wife as Christ loved the church. It is also expressed in the wife’s role to submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ.

The practical aspects of love have been expressed in three basic principles: The first is the command to leave parents and start a new life together. This is not an excuse to abandon responsibility to parents and the wider family, as God commands love, respect and care for parents [Exodus 20:12; 21:15; Timothy 5:8]. But practically demonstrated in the new prime relationship established thereby cutting of lines of authority and dependency from the old umbilical code and establish a new one.

The second is the command to cleave to each other and never seek separation whether temporal or permanent. This is a permanent and abiding union which can never be dissolved except in death and at the second return of Christ. It’s been a blessing to live together with this thought of intricate weaving of two lives. A unity of two bodies sexually, vocationally, emotionally and in friendship. A unity in possessions and one spiritually, conform to the image of Christ. Practically, we have held all property jointly and without qualms. All the challenges of marriage life have been faced in the light of these facts, with the emphasis of finding solutions to all challenges of marriage.

The third aspect is the one flesh relationship. “This now is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”. This relationship is only second to the highest relationship with God. The practical implications have been to look at no other and to seek to cherish each other till God puts asunder in death.

The second pledge is the pledge of fidelity. In this pledge, loyalty faithfulness and truthfulness is promised to both the institution of marriage and to the spouse. In the pledge, couples promise to maintain the honour of marriage, keep the terms of the marriage covenant regardless of the circumstances: In joys and sorrows, in sickness and in health, as well as in richness and in poverty.

The statements and truths above inevitably trigger the questions “Why then do couples break their vows? Why do they separate and why do they divorce? Why do they remarry even when not widowed?”

The simple answer has always been failure to keep the marriage vows; failures to exponentially apply the grand truths imbedded in the marriage covenant: Leaving all else behind, cleaving to each other and becoming one flesh. In short, marital unfaithfulness has wrecked many good Christian marriages and left indelible scares despite the clear rules of marriage as handed down by God “but fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints.” [Ephesian 5:3]. Why has it become fashionable to break marriage vows? Does not God take these vows seriously? [Deut. 23:21, 23]. Does he not hate divorce because it is contrary to the framework of marriage as designed by God? [Malachi 2:14-16]. Isn’t marriage unfaithfulness tantamount to directly being unfaithful to God?

When the heart is left unguarded, lust will encroach and infest it, thereby chocking it with lustful thorns. When these thought are nested, they gradually broad and hatch initially in to lustful thoughts, and eventually leads to all perversions of sexual sins [Matthew 5:28; 15:19].

Why is lust possible in the life of a believer? It is because of the remains of sin in us. For this reason, we are urged to deal with sin and its remains else we be mastered by it [Ephesians 4:22-24]. Thanks be to God almighty who has dealt with the problem of sin through the sacrificial death and perfect obedience of Christ to God’s law. A Christian can know victory over the problem of lust and keep the marriage vows.

Unregulated sight, unregulated Acquaintances have been the major cause of unfaithfulness in many couples. These two vices have been common in both men and women, though the manifestations are different in men and in women.

Men’s lust enters through the eyes and will lead the man all the way to sin. Lingering the eyes creates a fertile environment for lust to nest brood and hatch. Job understood this concept very well and made a covenant with the eyes not to lust at a girl. For the women as well as the men folk, unregulated acquaintances have been a source of much unfaithfulness in marriages. Initially starting as innocent relationships, all barriers are brought down and infidelity creeps in. When barriers are Brocken, thoughts, speech, and actions are exchanged carelessly and eventually sin is committed. Inappropriate affection and attraction results from familiarity as a result of coarse jokes, behavioural sexual connotations, and inappropriate expressions of gestures reserved for married couples. Inappropriate admirations, comforting in hard times, exchange of gifts, and loving gestures are particularly a snare to the women folk. Caution is inevitable to counsellors and counselees too, who may genuinely begin their work, but eventually develop inappropriate attachment to each other.

The fight against lust is a relentless fight all couples should engage in. Winning one lustful fight is just one of the many fights all couples should engage in. We are urged to flee sexual immorality [1Cor 6:18]. If we allow emotions of lust to seize us, we have an uphill battled to deal with and we will have it tough. The more we feed on lust, the less our eyes can see God. Remember the courage of Joseph who denied his body its cravings for the love of God. “And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even to be with her”. Genesis 39:10]. Remember also the practical stapes he took to create a reasonable distance between himself and the accession of lust and sin. Other practical stapes to fighting lust include feeding on holy and pure things as opposed to drinking in lustful dirt. “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness…..” 2 Timothy 2:22. Starving lust is another most effective way to deal with lust. “….if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you….And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you...” [Matt.5:29, 30]. The plucking, cutting and casting off entellus practical steps such as avoiding familiarity (cutting off certain friendships), putting in place safety barrier to regulate sight (Internet, TV, certain places and routs), speech (uncensored jokes with the opposite sex) and actions (inappropriate behaviour with the opposite sex).

Would you beat the sin of lust and its devastating effects? Make no provisions for the flesh to feed it with venom. The poison of the lust will give a lethal blow to any that falls prey to it. Instead, starve it and let it be put to death continually by using the power of the blood of Jesus Christ that teaches us to say no to ungodliness. The Christian has this power “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” [Titus 2:11-12]

Experienced couples have taken practical steps of having a person they are accountable to. This person could be a close friend or a dear wife. This measure may not be appropriate for an immature couple who would be in danger of splitting apart when sensitive issues are shared. It is healthy to share experiences as a couple for accessions of vulnerability and how triumph was obtained.

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