Humor

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I was sitting at a local Comedy shop, enjoying the evening listening to a set of material from a seasoned joke slinger. Then the master of ceremonies introduced the next stand-up as a “new guy” to the field, and I smiled. I always smile when I hear that a stand-up is “new”. I know what’s coming. I make a bet with myself. And then I wait. And I’m never wrong. Just wait for it, and eventually there he goes.

You see, new comedians always talk about their kids and how funny they are. It never fails. Somewhere in their material they suddenly say “I’ve got (fill in the number of kids) at home, and let me tell you….” The idea he is trying to sell to you, is that looking at the world through a kids’ eye creates humorous situations and provides material for he, the comic.

Don’t be fooled.

Being able to talk about their kids is the entire reason why they are doing stand-up – it’s a sort of cheap therapy. Why else would they subject themselves to such a hard profession? Stand-up comedy is about the hardest job on the planet, next to running for president on an Independent ticket. Now doing that is just asking for “failure”.

Running as an independent presidential candidate has a job description that ends in “Must be able to face ultimate failure and rejection on a national level. Must be able to be publicly identified and made fun of as a “Loser – Big Time”.

It’s a luxury job that people take when they need to have some failure in their life.

You really have to admire our political system that contains not only the two major parties, first the “We Who Are Right” party and the “Those That Are Wrong” party, but one that also allows for those who want to run on the “I Just Don’t Have a Clue” ticket.

Britain’s political make-up includes “The Silly Party”, which was founded entirely unintentionally by a comedy group called Monty Python, but has made some enthusiastic converts in the political arena. The object is to come up with an outlandish get-up and make up the most ridiculous name, usually involving squeaky noises and sounds of bodily functions, and then try to garner votes by virtue of utter silliness. In essence, it’s the same as our Independent Party system here in America. But more honest.

And all started by the comics of Monty Python. Which brings me back to stand-up comics, who have the next hardest job on the planet, with just as much opportunity for rejection. But I have figured out why comics attempt this emotional suicide by attempted whimsy. You see, as our current justice system exists, you can’t throttle your kids in public. Anymore, anyway. And despite the efforts of the “We Who Are Right” and “Those That Are Wrong” parties, the government is still has a say in what we do in our own homes, so you can’t even throttle your kids in the privacy of your own house.

So what to do when you want to throttle your kids and society won’t allow you to? You bite the bullet, and go into stand-up comedy. Then you can publicly put your children up to ridicule and feel good about it. You can describe the things that they do that annoy you and make you want to throttle them and get laughs.

Soon, you are relieved to know that, if this entire audience were in your house by the time your routine was done, they’d all get up out of their seats, and each audience member would take their turn giving your kids a good throttling. And no jury in the world would convict them.

Why else try to do the hardest job on the planet? If not to get away with a little subversion on the side, let off a little steam, get some free therapy and describe to a room full of drunken strangers exactly what your kids do that annoy you, and get the sympathetic feeling that if they weren’t so staggeringly drunk, they’d follow you home and give your kids a good throttling.

So, I sip my drink and check my watch as I take in the comic stressing it out on the stage, trying to elicit laughs, pretending he’s doing this because it’s his calling, or he’s got a gift, or whatever. Pretty soon the answer comes clear. “I got three teenagers in the house…”

Oh dear. This guy needs it bad.

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