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The Home for Christian Writers! Matthew 6:33

Poetry

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MAGNETISM OF THE HEART

by Phoebe Carter
09/14/12
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What is it, that draws you near?
Is it, through love, or because you fear?

You're drawn towards me, and I am touched,
because I love you, so very much;
from the time before, you were even born,
to the times your heart's, been tired and torn.

To me, who created you, your life is worth -
a thousand more cups, of dust and dirt.
From dirt you came, a speck on earth;
to dust you'll return, with angels' mirth;
for when you come, to those pearly gates,
I'll look you in the eye, with such loving gaze.

For me, it's the attraction, from 'lost' to 'found';
your heart with mine, is safe and sound;
for on your journey, you did find,
My son Jesus;
love, peace and kind.




Phoebe Carter
12th Sept 2012

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Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
13 Oct 2012
This is beautiful. I have several poems of Jesus talking to me and they are the ones that just poured out of my pen and I have no doubt God used my pen to send me His love notes.

Just from a strictly technical POV, I noticed you had some commas that didn't quite seem to fit. I know commas can be an individual choice but wonder if you need the all of ones in the middle of the lines. EX: Is it, through love, For me it would flow better like Is it through love, or because you fear? (Which by the way I think is an absolutely brilliant line. It is something all Christians need to ask themselves on a regular basis.) I'd also take out the comma after heart's because it's a contraction for heart has and the comma interrupts the flow between has been)

I only mention it because it does halt the flow a bit and this is such an outstanding piece. With just a touch of polishing I could easily see this being published in a magazine or an anthology. You really touched my heart with this one and I know that it will touch people in ways you may never be able to imagine. Keep writing you have a beautiful talent.
PamFord Davis 
14 Sep 2012
Very nice, Phoebe! I shared on facebook.

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The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com. This is especially true with articles that deal with personal healthcare and prophecy. We encourage the reader to make their own decision in consultation with God, His Word, and others as needed.

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