Poetry
A calm, a peace, a serenity
Brushes softly over me
Breezing warmth through the cold
Jesus is in control
Worries for now are far away
Concentration does not stray
Mind at one within my soul
Jesus is in control
Prayers come to me easily
Praise for Him rising in me
Feelings of new replace the old
Jesus is in control
What a glorious happening
Going on inside of me
Letting go without being told
Jesus is in control
Hearts at one in every beat
With the One who does redeem
Gentle sounds of thunders roll
Jesus is in control
This is the day the Lord has made
No questioning of what takes place
Sojourning along the narrow road
Jesus is in control
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Thank-you for taking the time to sit and listen, and for the poetic reminder that Jesus is always listening. I'm sure He enjoys reminding us that He really is in control!
As I was reading, my mind kept accidentally putting in an extra word. Though I'm not an expert on poems perhaps it would flow more if you added one word -- Jesus is in total control. Just my opinion, your way is lovely too but thought I'd mention it. You did a nice job with this.
The first line didn't work for me; the three 'a' and two commas made it jerky and stopped the flow before it started. Perhaps 'A calm peaceful serenity...' Of course the words are rather redundant, calm being peace etc.; but the flow, to me, seems better.
Although you change your rhyming pattern, the off rhyme of the last two lines in the second last verse jarred; again for me. Rolls and control. Roll and control works, but rolls doesn't. But 'thunders roll' simply moves the 's' and sounds way better.
The entire message is awesome with some profound comments; such as new feelings replacing old ones and letting go without being told. These are worded so well and as I read this poem I feel the peace.
Excellent.