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Jesus is Killing Me
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Author requests article critique
Jesus is Killing Me
You know...that old me...with all the shackles and chains on her life.
You know... that old me...who wants to rant and rave and have fits and pity-parties, so she can have her own way.
You know...that old me...who is proud, and conceited, who has exalted herself above the knowledge of God.
You know...that old me...who is jealous, and full of strife and unforgiveness.
You know...that old me...who is self-centered, self-endulgent and fearful.
You know...that old me...who is insane...Doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result.
Oh!...thank you Jesus... you're showing me little glimpses of the promised land.
So, help me, Lord Jesus...Please...keep killing that old me.
Because I know...those shackles on her feet...keep me from going where you want me to go.
Because I know...those chains on her wrists...keep me from doing what you want me to do.
Help me, Lord Jesus...Please...keep killing that old me.
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Reader Count & Comments
02 May 2012
Donna, thank you so much for telling me about this. It is amazing and I agree with all those who have commented already on your excellent portraying of truth, and our constant battle with 'self'. Love the title too. A really really excellent poem. Thank you too for your kind comments on my 'Armour' poem - yes, it was in the 'Weeks' challenge some months ago.
Keep writing - all for His Glory, Margaret
09 Apr 2012
Hi, my name is Elgin I'm "Subwaysurfer" read your poem, and loved it. I don't know why you've received no replies on it yet. For one, the title and opening grabs you right away. "Jesus is killing me" is definitely a statement normally not associated with Christ! It expresses a spiritual truth we all need today attention to about te old man, whom the scriptures emphatically tells us to put to death.
You said you're putting your toe in the water, I suggest you put both feet in, and once you get used to the temperature, put your whole body in! Be encouraged.
23 Feb 2012
Poetry, like the ability to grow healthy roses, seems to require a special touch. I generally end up murdering both. You, on the other hand, have definitely got 'it!' A very, very good poem!
20 Feb 2012
This is so well written. I want to print it and hang it in my prayer closet to remind me. Is that OK with you?
19 Feb 2012
This was powerful. The title drew me in immediately. (I wrote an article onse- Did Jesus just insult me? that had that similar What? appeal)
I think you did a wonderful job of connecting with your reader. My biggest comment would be I found the ellipses a tad distracting. Your words were so powerful that the... drew me away for a split second. I appreciate it as a literary tool but think using strong words that summon emotion in the reader is far more effective than using punctuation -- especially the exclamation point --which I know you didn't use but often people do, or all caps.
I also stumbled a bit when you switched from first person to third. I do understand the reason behind (actually I did that too in my aforementioned story when I referred to myself as a little girl lost personality, I did call that part of my personality her) So I get it but it still made me stop and reread to see if I missed another person. The words are so lovely and I could really relate to them. It is a beautiful piece and I'd love to read more of your work.
18 Feb 2012
Great article! I love the dying to self message. I can't help but think this would be an awesome song. Can't wait to read more.
17 Feb 2012
wow that is so good and so true the title grabbed my attention rather
brilliant writing need to do more
16 Feb 2012
A simple message with deep reflection. I enjoyed that. Looking forward to more from you. And thanks for the critique you did for me.
11 Feb 2012
that was really good. if that is your first keep them coming. you can go a long way
thank you for spending time to read my works. Blessings of Light. advisor4
10 Feb 2012
Donna, Thank you for sharing your heart ... what a beautiful piece of writing. Thank God that Jesus is killing each and every one of us ... the old us that is! Love how you build tempo, rhythm and suspense. I'll be looking for more from you ... welcome to Faithwriters!
Darna Bedwell Gutter
09 Feb 2012
Very thought provoking title -- unique approach -- love it! Looks like its your first article on Faithwriters. If this is a glimpse of things to come -- you're on fire! Very inspiring, keep up the good work and before you know it you'll have written hundred of articles. So happy you enjoyed As It Is In Heaven. I just revised it -- only one new paragraph towards the end. You might also enjoy my poem Randsomed By the Blood. May the Lord continue to bless you in your gifts Donna.
08 Feb 2012
Donna, the title alone is excellent on this. It immediately catches the reader's attention with a "Huh?" moment that draws them on to read.
Then your actual article was very good. I found myself echoing your words. Only very quick critique would be to say I'd change this part from itself to herself: "who has exalted itself above the knowledge of God." That made me stumble a little.
Other than that, I like the angle you came from for this. It shows a mind that can think outside the box, and that's essential for creative writers.
Keep writing (and yes, do jump into the Challenge). Deb
07 Feb 2012
What a wonderful title followed by a wonderful piece of work.
I thank you on your comments on one of my pieces. I prayerful and hopes that the fawls in my spelling and grammer is corrected. So, that I can have wonderful work.
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