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As I sat there at my desk I thought about what had
happened to my little sister a few days ago. She was
beat with a belt, picked up by her hair and thrown
across the floor. The welts on her body, her four yearold
body, swelled up and were red and blue with color.
Barbara filled the bath tub up with water and ice cubes
and put my little sister in it to soak in order for the
swelling to go down. She was yelling at her for not
keeping her hands and arms out of the way while she
was being beat, and to stop crying before she got her
face smashed. I felt so hopeless, not being able to help
her.
As seen on the CBN 700 Club!
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If I can just give some advice; you will hear the phrase Show Don't tell. It's a difficult concept for a writer to master. You did a good job of telling, but your words would paint a more vivid picture for the reader if you used more active verbs. For example: As I sat at my desk, I rubbed my eyes. I slapped my head but the memory was forever etched in my mind.
You have a compelling story here. If you expand on it and really develop the readers you will touch countless people. Keep writing!