Poetry
Remove My Stains
My compass is broken
Life is spinning out of control
Lord stop it from coming full circle
Prevent me from hurting myself
My past haunts me
Yesterday’s shadow follows close
Enveloping my every thought, my every step
Swallowing all attempts to break free
My inequities are many
I’m covered in stains
All my relationships defined and destroyed
Before I breathe my name
Lord follow the seem, cut me free
Remove histories imprint on me
Count the blemishes within
For the tar thickens day by day
Old concepts of who I was intrude
Ensuring that I never change
Lord peel back the resin
For when I try,
The glue extends indefinitely
It never let’s go
Just when I think I am free to love myself
The pitch returns
And slams me back into old notions
Believing I am unlovable, untouchable, unworthy,
Ugly, and selfish,
A liability to all around me
Not fit to befriend, not fit to love
I observe my poison
Polluting their perceptions of me
A pure love slowly and ultimately
Morphs into a black heart
A new stain on my soul
Lord only You can rescue me
Hear my cry Lord,
For I cannot see what is on the other side of the black cement
Show me who I am without the dirt
Remove my heart of stone
Insert a heart of flesh
I need to see the me you created before Satan’s attacks
I need to understand that I matter too
Teach me to Love myself
Instruct me in the ways of Your Love
Wash away the tar, remove the stains
Provide me with a picture of who I am through Your eyes
Prove to me I am lovable, touchable,
Worthy of You and everyone else
As I approach Your will for me Lord
Satan re-opens the doors of my psyche
Each one highlighting my unworthiness
Breeding sick obsessions within me
He twists His power
Imprisoning me among the screams
That beam from each impersonation professed of me
Each version a lie, each directly opposite to Your creation Father
I run from door to door in a continuous loop
Every good intention a trigger for his evil warfare
He sifts through my thoughts
He twists my perceptions into sins
Deception in the most horrific form
It eats me alive
It burns in my heart
Help me Father to rebuild my wall
Set the doors in place
Install the bolts and the bars
Lock Satan on the other side
Cast him away forever
Fight for me Lord, as You fought for Nehemiah
Fight for my life
I come to Your Word today
Breathe life into my soul
Shine Your light on my chains and melt them away
Stitch Your Word on my heart
Remind me that my life depends on knowing Your Word
On building my relationship with You
My bones are weary from listening to the Father of Lies
I cry out to You Lord and You forgive me
No matter the gravity of my sins
The power of Your blood cleans me
Your blood wipes away the mistakes I made, am making
And will make
No longer must I self-harm
No longer must I fantasize about suicide
You conquered death for me
So that I wouldn’t need to
I am free to want to live
Pour Your Holy Spirit into me
Life giving water that extinguishes Satan’s fire
Remind me everyday that I am stronger when I am weak
Your grace and power work best in my weakness
So rebuild my wall
But don’t give me too much, pride will kill me
Give me just enough so that sin won’t drive me
Life begins Lord the moment I let You in and Cast Him out
1 John 4:4 …“You have already won a victory…because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.”
Thank you Lord!
Praise to You to Lord,
For all Your goodness and for all Your Truth!
Tiffany Lewis
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