Faith

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Dear God..
I have a constant nagging in my brain that everything to do with you.. is fake. For Example... Church... I get chills and shake uncontrollably because the heat is turned down to much and i am just cold, and at home too..like if i am warm enough i wont shake... Like the sermons are done and the Pastor or whoever is preaching that day has checked my Facebook to see what i need to hear exactly, to make me feel like its You, Lord speaking to me... That all the things that are written in Your Word are just a bunch of positive things to live my life by.. alot of the same things they would teach me in rehab and counseling. Another is when people speak in tongues that it is all in their minds and that they are absolutely crazy.. and when i feel the Holy Spirit, it's my mind making me feel that power I feel...The overwhelming power that you give to me, and people have said that the mind is a powerful thing, that if you were to say that your hand hurts a hundred times and truly believe your hand hurts, although it really doesn't... your hand's really going to start hurting....and that's what I feel is going on with the Holy Spirit sometimes... BUT...I sat down and thought about it and came up with...Why would the Church even be doing all of this? Even if all of this was fake.. which i am 98 percent positive that it's not... What's so wrong with it? They are taking time out of their lives to do something good. It's not like they are asking me to go out and commit murder or get hooked on drugs. I mean these wonderful people struggle with this it seems like just as much as i do. It seems like the problem is I have been having to step out of my comfort zone.. The way of life in which i am used to living and try something new...something positive, and i don't like it...but what is so wrong with it? And why is it that me and millions of other people around the world doubt all these wonderful things? I honestly doubt I am the only one in this world that has ever doubted and questioned these things at all... but as I ask myself this question...and maybe they should ask themselves the same question... What bad can come of this? What is so wrong with it? And why am I so uncomfortable with it? What specifically makes me so uncomfortable?
I wrote all of this on paper before i typed it because i needed to write because I was overwhelmed with it all, and I wasnt even planning on putting this up on facebook because it is so personal to me, I feel ashamed for even thinking these things sometimes because i know the Truth! But after I got done writing i opened up my Bible and ended up turning to a sentence about Abraham and thought maybe I should share this.Anyways, i didnt read anything else other than the statement that said "Justified by Faith"... Weird... I honestly have no idea what that statement means... but I do know what Faith means.. Faith to me is to just believe.. without being able to see.. to know and to be certain... and most importantly... To trust. Thank You Jesus for helping me to Trust.
So i just looked up the definition for Faith.. seems like i hit it right on...

Definition of FAITH

1
a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty
b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2
a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3
: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs


I guess the point I am trying to make and not to anybody in particular... ( I am kinda just trying to figure this out as i write to You) is that I can have all these questions and have doubts but it all boils down to I know the Truth! and Faith is the most important thing to hold on to... the Promises that You have written! I need to read more to gain more knowledge and pray more to gain more wisdom. I have to feed this hunger that I have for You, Lord so that i can be 100 percent certain..not 98 percent. Please forgive me for the doubts I have had and please just give me more Lord.. and I know you will because Your Faithfulness never seizes to amaze me. Thank You Jesus for coming in the Flesh and putting Your life for us... I honestly have to say that I would not do something like that because I am selfish and do not want to die. Especially for millions of people that would not appreciate and acknowledge it. Thank You Lord!! <3

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