Short Stories

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Now
there came
a day
when
the sons
of God
came to
present themselves
before
the Lord.
[Job 1:6]
******************
Place: Outer Golden Hallway of the Throne
Room of the Lord.
Time: Present Day.
_________________
"They're.......OUTSIDE."

"WHAT?"
(Guardino stopped chewing
on his third peanut-butter
cup, for a moment. He
swallowed.)
"ANGELO!
YOU can't let DEMONS
in HERE!"

"WELL.......they're HERE!"
(Angelo pointed a
Snickers-chocolate-covered
finger toward the Outer
Courtyard of the Throne
Room Hallway.)

(Guardino's big mouth
hung open. Guardino
didn't have the beautiful
lips, or sculptured high
cheek bones of Archangel
Michael. Guardino had
a big, huge pudgy face.)
"They're......out THERE?"

(Angelo nodded. There
was a chocolate-smudge
on his left lower cheek.
Suddenly, he turned
toward the Outer Courtyard Doorway,
and putting two fingers in
his mouth, blew a big
whistle.)
"HEY, GUYS!"
(Whistle.)

(A loud scrappy, screechy voice,
accentuated in a very tough-sounding,
nasal Philadelphia regional dialect*,
burst out from the Outer Courtyard.)
"HEY, ANGELO!
SOMEBODY'S HORSE OUT HERE
ALMOST BIT ME!"

(A loud snort,
and irritable whinny
accompanies the shout.)

(Angelo yells back.)
"THAT'S just ROCKY!
He's OKAY, DITT**!
JUST IGNORE HIM!
HE'S GUARDINO'S PET!
HE'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT:
REAL GRUMPY!"

(More whinnying:
much louder,
and snortier.)

(Guardino yells louder,
toward the Outer Throne
Room Courtyard.)
"ROCKY'S NOT MY PET!
HE'S A SERVANT OF
THE LORD!
GET YOUR PAWNEY HANDS 'OFF
HIM!"
(Guardino nudges Angelo
with one big, ugly muscular
hand. He whispers.)
"HEY! What'cha DOIN?
You can't let these
DEMON fellas in HERE!"

(Angelo pulls away,
and slaps Guardino back,
with both of his little
hands. Guardino is at
least twice his size.)
"I TOLD YA!"
(Angelo whispers.)
"They've DEFECTED!
They're under my........eh..
what's it CALLED? My
eh.........my.....
JURISDICTION!"

(Guardino whispers back.)
"You ain't GOT a JURISDICTION!
You're an ANGEL!
An ANGEL!
A little bitty ANGEL!
You ain't even got
SHOES on!"

(Angelo pulls himself
up to his biggest size.
He puts both of his small
plump hands on his
stretched-out waistband.
He sticks his plump chin
out at his huge, big ugly friend.)
"SO?
I can still have a JURIS..DIC...TION!"

(Another much louder, scrappier
shout comes from the Throne Room
Courtyard.)
"HEY, ANGELO!
YOU PROMISED US SOME
CANDY FROM THE CANDY MACHINE!"

(Angelo shouts back,
impatiently.)
"SURE THING, ANGEL-CAKE!
I'LL GET YA SOME, IN
A MINUTE!"

(Shout from the Courtyard:
very whiny and loud.)
"I WANT A MARS BAR!
AND, DITT WANTS ONE 'A
THOSE COCONUT THING'IES!"

(Angelo shouts back,
even more impatiently.)
"OKAY!
IN A MINUTE!"

(Guardino, like he
usually did when he got
a little anxious or upset,
began to smell like a
particular big grumpy
stallion. He punched
his little plump friend
in the arm: only using
one-hundred-and-twentieth
of his might.)
"HECK!
YOU don't even know
what a JURISDICTION is!"
(Punch.)
"And, DON'T give those
SLIME-BALLS my CANDY!
I TOLD ya, ANGELO!
THAT'S for....GUARDS,
ONLY!"

[SUDDEN RUMBLE, FROM INSIDE
THE THRONE ROOM.]

(Both angels, small and
huge, look wide-eyed
at each other. Then,
they both stare wide-eyed
at the Throne Room Door.)

(Silence.)

[ANOTHER RUMBLE.]

(Guardino pulls himself
back up, and turns toward
the Throne Room Inner
Sanctuary. He stands at
attention, and calls out.)
"YES, MY LORD!
COMING, MY LORD!"
(Guardino turns back,
and pushes down Angelo's
already-lopsided halo:
whispering loudly.)
"Now....GET THESE demon
guys OUTTA here! IF
Archangel MICHAEL finds out...........
I'm gonna be demoted
to guardin' the CHIPMUNKS' PEN!"

(Angelo tears off the
wrapper of his second
Snickers Bar. He drops
it on the Gold Floor,
and chomps off a big
piece of chocolate nuts.
His pudgy mouth is all full.)
"AW!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!
I'LL take care 'a
THEM!"

(Guardino bends over
to pick up the chocolately
wrapper. He tosses it
into the Gold trash can
by the Throne Waiting
Room bench. He whispers
loudly.)
"You BETTER!
TELL 'em to go back
to EARTH......
where they BELONG!"

(Angelo gives a clumsy,
small pat on Guardino's
huge, muscular, hairy elbow.
He peers toward the Throne
Room Door. He whispers:
a bit of chocolate-nut
spits out.)
"Yeah.....yeah......!
Hey! You better SEE
what the LORD WANTS!"

(Guardino wipes a big
clumsy head across his
chocolate-smeared face.
He pulls up his big, huge,
awkward, off-beige,
non-sparkly wings: his
feathers are not beautiful
or rainbow-colored
like the Archangel Michael's,
but roughly thick and bristly,
like Rocky's mane.)
"OKAY!
OKAY!
Now......get RID of 'em!"

(Angelo just waves his
pudgy hand, and nods
furiously.)
"Don't WORRY about IT!
Just TELL the FATHER...
I need to TALK to Him,
OKAY?"

(Guardino.... pulling up
his be-winged shoulders
once more into an
attention-position, and
putting one huge muscular
palm on the big golden
handle of his sword.....
whispers back.)
"Okay!
OKAY!
And, tell those CREEPS
to SKIDDADLE, before
I lose my GUARD-benefits!"

(Angelo pushes his big
mighty friend toward
the Big Gold Door.)
"Okay!
OKAY!
Now......GO!"
********************
And
Satan
also came
among
them.
[Job 1:6]

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*The author was born
and bred in North West Philadelphia
(not on Grace Kelly's side of town).
**Short for Ditt'malleon the Demon.

The Mars Bar was first made on Earth,
in 1932.

Copyright 2011.

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