Humor

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It all began for me about four months ago. I was busy with my work when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came and interrupted me.

Really, I do not mind interruptions. An interruption, from anybody, is a wonderful excuse to stop what you are doing and take a break. The older I get the more breaks I seem to need.

"I think we ought to take a vacation," she said.

Well, when my wife comes up with a good idea she comes up with a good idea! I did not know if we were voting on it but if we were, she had my vote 100%. In my book, there is never a bad time to have a vacation.

"That sounds like a great idea," I said, thinking in the back of my head of all the places we could go and have a great vacation. "Did you have any place in mind?"

By the expression on her face, I knew she did. As far as I was concerned, any place would be fine with me. I am not choosy when it comes to having a good time. The only requirement is, having a good time.

After some discussion, we saw that it would take about four months to clear our schedule and coordinate it with the rest of the family. Having that done, we set about preparing for our vacation.

It seemed like forever but finally the day arrived for us to embark on our vacation. The place she chose for us was about a three-hour drive from our home. Just far enough to be away from home and yet close enough to get there in quick time. I never did like vacations that took two or three days to get there. By the time you get there and unpack, it's time to pack up and head for home. Where's the fun in that?

We arrived at our destination late Sunday evening, checked in and settled down for an evening of rest and relaxation. My vacation gear includes, a laptop computer, my Bible and my Kindle. With those three things at hand, I am in virtual heaven.

The first thing on our schedule, at least on mine, was oversleeping. You know you are on vacation when you really don't have to get up in the morning. My plan was to sleep until the Sandman could not stand it any longer.

Early the next morning, and when I say early I mean before noon, I heard somebody say, "Well, are you ready?"

When I am on vacation I'm not very good with questions especially when they come before lunch time. After I have had a ravishing repast, I am up for any question you can throw at me.

But at this moment all I could say was, "Huh?"

One of the things that my wife does not like is when I answer her question with another question. But at the time, I was in a self-induced state of fogginess.

I rubbed my sleepy eyes and saw before me a well-dressed lady ready for something. I stared for a few moments before recognizing that it was my wife. The lump on her side of the bed turned out to be a bunch of pillows. How long she had been up is not something that I should be guessing.

"Hurry up," she said, "we're going to be late."

In my sober-challenged condition, I had no idea what she was talking about. Thinking she had scheduled an appointment that we had to be at, I drug myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I brushed my hair, combed my teeth and shaved my legs.

When I emerge from the bathroom, she was standing at the door with her car keys in hand smiling at me like she seldom smiles at me, and said, "I'm so excited I can hardly wait to get started."

It was then that the whirlwind began. For the next four days, I was drug to every thrift store within a 25-mile radius. After the 27th thrift store they all began looking the same to me.

She drug me to a thrift store and I drug her "treasures" to the car.

I lost all track of time but somewhere during the day we had what he called "our light lunch." But I remained in the dark about the whole thing.

By the fourth day, some of the fogginess begun to dissipate. I needed a plan and I needed one quick.

We were in one thrift store when the idea struck me. Back in a corner, almost hidden from sight, were several bookcases crammed with books. I had one of those "Aha" moments.

I found the shopping cart, went back and filled it with books. All kinds of books. Most of the books were five cents to a quarter. I pushed the cart around an aisle and there to my delight was my wife. She took one look at me, tapped her wristwatch and said, "Come on, it's time to go."

For the next two days, I enjoyed some quiet time with my laptop computer, Bible and Kindle. Amazingly enough, my drug problem was cured.

I thought of one of my favorite Bible verses. "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding," (Proverbs 17:28 KJV).

Holding my peace is my specialty.

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