Humor

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Have you ever had the feeling that you lost something but could not quite figure out what?

This has been bugging me all week long. It is a good thing I lost my mind years ago or this might cause me to lose it. I remember the day I lost my mind but I cannot remember anything after that date.

All week long, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I had lost something and that it was something rather important. I sat down in my easy chair and tried to think about it but who can think at times like this?

I was looking for whatever it was I lost all through the house. I finally was going through my sock drawer when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage caught me.

"Did you lose something?"

I was now facing a major dilemma. If I answered in the affirmative, she would inquire as to what I had lost. If I tell her I do not know what I lost, she will immediately respond by saying, how will you know when you find it?

Then I would be treated to one of her sarcastic snickers. You would think after all these years I would become accustomed to such royal treatment.

I finally broke down and confessed, "I don't know what I lost but I just feel like I've lost something this week. I just can't put my finger on it."

"Do you remember," she said thoughtfully, "where you were when you lost whatever you lost?"

I reflected for a moment and then confessed to her that it was last Sunday right after I got up that I sensed I had lost something.

My wife was about ready to leave the room and then she stopped and looked at me and said, "You do remember we lost an hour this week?"

"So," I said sheepishly as I closed my sock drawer, "I won't find it among my socks."

With that mystery solved, I had another one to contemplate. This one probably is bigger than anything else I could ever think of. How can I make up for lost time?

Every year I go through the same rigmarole. No sooner am I adjusted to the time then the government changes that time for me. It is now six o'clock, but no, it's really five o'clock. Or, is it seven o'clock? How in the world can I ever know what time it actually is?

Thinking along these lines I have come up with several ways in which to make up for lost time.

The first has to do with eating vegetables. In my book, most vegetables are a waste of time. I could make up some time each day by not eating my vegetables, especially broccoli. At the end of the year, I could use that time to eat some Apple fritters.

Another way I could save time is to cut down on my daily exercise. I am not sure who came up with the idea of exercising every day. Just think about what 15 minutes a day would add up to. In one week that would be 105 minutes, in a month it would be up to 455 minutes and in a year it comes to 5460 minutes, which amounts to 91 hours.

In addition, taking a shower everyday may be considered a waste of time by some. Think of the time I could save by cutting down on my shower time. If I would shower, say three times a week, it could save me a lot of time, not to mention soap and towels.

This also has another benefit to it. By only showering three times a week, it will drastically cut down on personal conversations with people. Who wants to talk to someone who has not showered in two days?

As I was contemplating this last one, I came to a brick wall. That brick wall being, my wife. She has this insidious idea of bathing regularly. If it were up to her, I would take three or four showers a day. But my argument is, a person can only be so clean for so long. If God meant us to be clean all the time, why did he make so much dirt?

I remember when my wife was away for two weeks I saved an enormous amount of time by recycling my dishes. After all, I don't mind eating after me. Those two weeks I used the same silverware, dish and coffee mug for the entire time. And, contrary to my wife's theories, I lived.

When my good wife found out what I was thinking about, she made a very good point. According to her, I could save an enormous amount of time by not trying to think up ways to save time.

The truth of the matter is, time cannot be saved. It can only be used wisely. The Bible makes this point clear on a number of occasions. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:" (Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV ).

And, "And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed" (Romans 13:11 KJV ).

It is how I used time and what I use it for that is important. I have two choices. Waste time or use my time wisely. The choice is mine.

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