Marriage

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So often in Christian circles we hear the sentiment, “God would never approve of divorce,” and that “All couples should stay married, no matter what.” While these are well-intentioned words by truly sincere people, the truth is that God does provide a way of escape to those who are in marriages that are causing them physical, emotional, and spiritual harm.

God’s purpose is for a man and a woman to choose each other as life partners, submit themselves as one before the Lord, and live in peace and intimacy until death do they part. Statistics say, however, that over 50% of married couples will divorce and Christian couples are no exception. Sometimes divorce is warranted and there are three circumstances that justify a severing of the relationship and marriage.

Adultery is a situation where one spouse or the other, or possibly both, is involved with another person in a sexual context. “Marital unfaithfulness” is actually the Greek word, “porneia”, and in English, “pornography.” Porneia refers to sexual sin of any kind—pornography, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and incest. God gives a very clear teaching on martial unfaithfulness and grants permission to exit the relationship, if the person so chooses. Adultery is a self centered act that can possibly endanger the health and life of the jilted spouse with the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. God’s way of protection is the severing of the damaged relationship.

Abandonment is a condition that is also addressed in scripture. When a spouse either physically or emotionally abandons the other, permission is then given to “let them depart.” The Bible tells us that God has “called us to live in peace.” There is no peace in a house full of strife or rejection. When there is neglect and abandonment for any reason, it negates the vows made during the marriage ceremony.

Abuse is the last circumstance where God allows for divorce. Nowhere in scripture are we told to stay in abusive relationships…whether physical, emotional or verbal. These relationships can cause profound damage and can result in physical sickness and even death. Since our bodies are the temple of God and used in service to Him, we are to preserve them at all costs.

Over the years many women have come to me, from all walks of life, including the wives of pastors, who are ill physically because of the abuse they have received from their husbands. The stories are heartbreaking. God does not want to see His precious daughters dying prematurely because they feel obligated to stay in a dysfunctional marriage. Condemnation from the church, sad to say, has been the biggest reason women stay in abusive marriages. The church is supposed to be about forgiveness and grace, but the dirty little secret is that many divorced women and women thinking about divorce are put down, pointed at, and banned from church and therefore they feel a rejection from God Himself. This attitude in the church needs to come to a complete, grinding halt. Grace, love, and outreached arms need to prevail.

There has been a huge misunderstanding of scripture regarding divorce. It is quoted that “God hates divorce” and I have heard Christians stand with glued feet upon this scripture, using this as an excuse to either stay in a failed relationship or tell others to do so. Like with so many scriptures, this one is taken out of context. In the book of Malachi, men were departing from their wives and failing to give them a “certificate of divorce,” and then remarrying illegally, leaving their wives in the lurch so they could not remarry. If we look deeply into the original meaning of the words used, here is a more accurate interpretation. Jesus did not forget about Malachi…

“Furthermore it has been said, “Whoever PUTS AWAY [separates from {apoluo}] his wife, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE. But I say to you that whoever PUTS AWAY [separates and remarries without being divorced from] his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery: and whoever marries a woman who is PUT AWAY [separated without being divorced {apoluo}] commits adultery” -Matthew 5:31-32

As we can see here, proper Bible interpretation is key in understanding what God truly intends for us.

God has provided a way of escape for married couples in desperate situations and it’s called divorce. His primary goal is reconciliation, but in the event this is not possible and all avenues for a reunion have been exhausted, He then lovingly opens the door to freedom for couples to walk through and begin a new life, with His grace and blessing held intimately within their hearts. God is the God of second chances…

May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope. - Romans 15: 13

Kimberly L. Lemler is an Ordained Minister, Bible Teacher, Pastoral Counselor, and Life Coach. Her radio teaching ministry, God’s Healing Power, has been heard across the country and also throughout the world via the internet. Pastor Lemler can be reached through her website at www.GodsHealingPower.org or you can write to her at: Words To Heart Ministries, P.O. Box 125, Bourbon, IN 46504.

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