Christian Living

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Broken Bones
By PJ Hasty

I was playing ball a few years ago when I heard something snap. I was not sure what had happened. I fell and came down on my foot the wrong way. I hurt it bad. Having been in sports almost my whole life I knew that ice fixed almost everything. A lot of ice can ease the pain…well not really, if you have ever submerged any part of your body into a tub of ice for more than 10 seconds, you know what I am talking about. Eventually, once you push through the pain, the numb starts to take over and the pain is no longer a factor. Once the ice treatment was over, I wrapped my foot into an ace bandage. I figured if I could stay off the foot for a while, whatever was sprained will fix itself. I am always amazed at how the body will heal itself, once you give it time to do so – for most things. This I was banking on, self-healing. No doctors, no bills, no time off work, no waiting rooms, it was all about rest and recuperation. This was a simple sprain, nothing huge, and it was going to be fine. I will tell myself that for as long as I need to hear it.

Several weeks after, I found I was still favoring that foot. I had stopped running, it hurt too much. I stopped trying to get extra steps in my day, the pain just shot up my leg. More ice and more ace bandages was the how this was going to get fixed. “I will not give up now, it will be fine, I lasted this long, I am sure it will be just a few more weeks.†Months had now passed. I gained 45 pounds, and was becoming depressed over my lack of energy and the daily intense pain that I endured. After going for a yearly exam, my doctor talked to me about my sudden weight gain. They actually thought it was my thyroid. I explained that I had stopped running and exercising and how the pain of my foot was so intense. I started to get choked up as I explained that all I could wear were flip-flops because my foot hurt in any other pair of shoe. I was in severe pain, and for the first time in months, I told someone. I started crying like a baby. I was so embarrassed, but I felt like a volcano erupting.

My doctor sent me for x-rays where it was clear as crystal that I had a broken bone in my foot that healed the wrong way. The diagnosis was very hard to hear. But the remedy sent me over the edge. If any of you have ever had a broken bone, you know how they fix one that has been healed the wrong way. Yup, they had to break it again. Just the words sent a shiver down my spine. “Are you kidding?†I did not see that coming. I begged for alternative medicine options, but when it comes to bones, really there is nothing else to do. The nurse booked an appointment at the orthopedic surgeon’s and explained that the pain will never go away until it is mended the right way, and time was of the essence.

I took a deep breadth, and walked into the surgeon’s office. I gave my name and they took me right in. They explained the procedure. They would give me a local anesthetic, and I will feel some pressure. They wrote a prescription for pain medication. They explained that the pain medication was not for when I felt pain, but so I don’t feel pain. “Take the medication and stay ahead of the pain, don’t try to do this on your own, you will never survive the pain that you will be inâ€, was the warning I was given, very seriously.

I hobbled into the cold operating room, they gave me some heated blankets, which felt really nice. I sat in a chair, similar to a dentist chair and laid my foot on a special block. I was recalling the movie Misery, when Kathie Bates broke the guy’s foot. “what was his name, I can see him, I can’t remember his name….AHHHHH!†It wasn’t the pain, it was the noise, the knowledge of what just happened, the fact that the doctor had just broke my foot, on purpose. “What did I do?†I sat there and recalled all of what I did to lead me to this point.

1. Played basketball – fun.
2. Got hurt, but was able to walk and I was okay.
3. Iced my pain away – for a little while.
4. Dodged medical care for financial reasons, timing reasons, and well I was tough.
5. Began to favor my foot and put off anything that would cause me more pain.
6. Found out if I had gone to the doctor 12 weeks ago, I would not be sitting here right now.

Sometimes I hate when I am that stupid. When all of this weight gain, pain, wearing ridiculous shoes to work, all could have been avoided if I had just sought medical attention when I got hurt. The doctor explained my healing process and how it will be extremely sore for several weeks, but with physical therapy and time the pain will lessen and the strength will come back. He asked me a question that made me stop and think. “Do you think you learned a lesson?â€

My answer is yes! But not for what you may think. How many times in life have I done this? I have tried to fix my brokenness by myself. I have numbed the pain in different ways, alcohol, drugs, sex, exercise, eating, purging, keeping myself distant from others, clinging to wrong people, or just not admitting I was in pain. Self talk is a very powerful tool – but it can be a lethal weapon, too. I have ran away from trouble, both physically and emotionally. I did not face what was hurting me because it was too much work. I did not have time to sit and soul search. I did not have the money to wait for God’s work to be done. I did not want to be bothered with know-it-alls that just make me feel like an idiot. I did not want to go and get fixed – I was gonna do it myself. I wanted to just get it done and move on. God works too slow for me and I need to just get to the next thing. “I will fix it.â€

That is when the pain and depression sets in. The real-life story is that you can not fix it, only God can. When I did it on my own, I only prolonged the pain. I made the steps more painful. I made myself more uncomfortable. How many times did I wrap my troubles up with ace bandages? Me thinks, too many times. How often did I take the shortcut, because the long way was just too painful? You know the answer. I tried to take too many things into my own hands, only to be brought down to my knees and realize that is only with God that I can make it.

That is when I crawl to the Lord, begging for relief. God takes His broken people and fixes them up good, but the transformation could be very painful. God will break you only to help you get new life. He will bring you down to the lowest place ever, so He can build you up and make you a tower for Him. God will take all your pre-conceived notions and put you to shame, just so He can shed His wisdom into your life. God has used the lowest and most common people to do great work. He has made the most well-dressed people naked, just so he can clothe them in his love. He will make the powerful weak, just so He can give them strength. I need to allow God to be my pain medication – but I need to stay ahead of the pain. I can’t wait for it to get bad to start praying, I need to pray everyday and spend time with Him. I have to take the daily dose and not try to handle it on my own. It is just too intense without God.

Where are you today? Are you broken? Are you looking for the quick and easy fix? Are you nursing a break that had to be broken again? Are you looking for relief from your pain? Where ever you are, God is there, too. He will carry you where you need to go. All you have to do is ask.

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