Short Stories

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[Satan]
"See you again,
Jesus. It's
only just begun."
{'Jesus'; TV, 1999.}
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"LORD?"

[JESUS SMILES
AT HIS DISCIPLE.]
"Yes,
My Peter?"

"What is a MUU`BEE?"

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]
"Ah, Peter!
Whom have you
been talking with?"

(Peter gazes down,
for a moment,
at the strange-looking
container he is carrying
in his hand. The he
looks up at his Lord.)
"It's that strange
LADY,
again,
my Lord!
She is BACK:
BACK from.....the FUTURE!
In her.....time MA`HT'KEEN!"

[THE LORD IS WIPING
HIS EYES.]
[HE IS STILL CHUCKLING.]
[HE SPEAKS IN A CALM VOICE.]
"I see.
And, what is that
in your hand,
Peter?"

(Peter frowns. He
peers down at the thing
which he is carrying.)
(He shrugs.)
"It's called a
.......BAAAA'AGA?"

[CHUCKLING.]
[NOD.]
"Hm, hm.
And, what is inside
this bag?"

(Peter shrugs. He is
decidedly uncomfortable.
He reaches up to scratch
his rumpled hair.)
"Well........uh,
there's some
very STRANGE THINGS
in HERE."

[NOD.]
[SMILE.]
"Show Me."

(Peter overturns the
thing in his hand; it
crackles like Egyptian
papyrus. On the side
of it, is a picture of
strange-looking man:
he has a big, plump red
face, a thick white beard
and is wearing a bright
red tunic and hat. The
man is smiling broadly;
across the picture are
the letters: HO HO HO!)
"Everything is wrapped
up....my Lord! In this
strange PAPER! It's
all very STRANGE!"

[SHAKING HIS HEAD,
AND CHUCKLING.]
"Where is your
friend,
now,
Peter?"

(Peter looks up. He
has sat down in the
grass, and is busy
carefully opening all the
strange-looking packages.
Several of the
other disciples have
now gathered around
Peter, and the Lord.
They are all peering
down at the objects
in the grass.)
"She is GONE, my LORD!
GONE! This time...she
only stayed but for a
MOMENT! She kept
looking about....as if...
well....I don't think
she wanted to SEE YOU,
my LORD! Remember
the LAST TIME, she
came......You made her
stay in the BOAT? I
don't think she was
very HAPPY about that!"

[NOD, WISELY.]
"I see."
[NOD.]
"And, what has she
brought you,
this time?"

(Some of the other
disciples are sitting
down in the grass,
beside Peter. They
are all holding the
objects up to the
sunlight, and turning
them this way, and that.)
(Peter unwraps the first
one. He nods at it, as
if remembering something.)
"THIS ONE is for
our FEET,
my LORD!
It's to keep them
CLEAN.....so we don't
have to.....You know:
wash each other's FEET!
They are called....
SAAA'AHTS!"

[LAUGH!]

"She said there's
TWELVE..in the PACKAGE:
one for
each FOOT!"

"Ah.
I see,
My Peter."
[NOD.]
"And, what else did
your friend bring you?"

(Peter scratches
his head, again. He
seems very confused.)
"WELL......there is
something in here to
cut our HAIR! IT IS
CALLED A ...........
SITZ'SERTZ!"
(Peter picks up an
object that John has
just unwrapped;
it is lightweight,
and opaque like a
oddly-colored stone.
Inside is a
strange-looking,
thick liquid.
Both the disciples
put their noses
against the top
of the thing.
They smile,
and nod to one
another;
it obviously
smells very good.
Peter looks
up at his Lord, again.)
"This THING SMELLS like....FRUIT!
IT IS SUPPOSED TO
CLEAN ALL OF OUR
HAIR, MY LORD!
IT IS
CALLED....
... CHAHN'PUU!"

(John speaks up.)
"Yes, my LORD!
PETER'S FRIEND SAYS
THAT EVERYBODY WHERE
SHE COMES FROM...
THINKS WE ALL
HAVE ....VERY DIRTY,
LONG, MESSY.....
HAIR!"

[THE LORD BURSTS
OUT LAUGHING,
ONCE MORE.]
"Ah! And,
why do they think
that, John?"

(John frowns; he
glances about at the
other disciples' hair.
He shakes his own
shaggy head,
in great confusion.)
"MUU'BEES.......
LORD!
MUU'BEES!"

[NODDING.]
[LAUGH!]
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[Jesus]
"What is the matter,
Andrew? Don't you
dance?"
[Andrew]
"I'll dance....
when Israel is free,
and people are honest!"
[Jesus]
"It'll be a very slow dance!"
{'Jesus': TV Movie, 1999.}

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