Prayers

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What is
the Almighty....
And,
what profit
do we
get
if we
pray
to him?
[Job 21:15]
*********************
"LORD?"

[SILENCE.]

(Crunching on some
lettuce*.)
"LORD?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Yes,
what is it,
My child."

"Can I talk to JESUS,
for a MINUTE?"
(Squint up at the ceiling.)
"I gotta ASK HIM,
SOMETHIN'."

[NODDING.]
"Go on,
child."

(Frown at the ceiling
plaster.)
(Chomping on a carrot**.)
"No! I wann'a talk
to JESUS!"

[NODDING.]
"Tell Me,
child."

(Mouth full of lettuce
and carrot.)
"NO!
I ONLY WANN'A
TALK TO HIM,
RIGHT NOW!"

[SIGH.]
"What is it,
My beloved?"

"Did He leave
the THRONE ROOM?
When is HE GONNA'
GET BACK?"

[PATIENT GAZE.]
[SMILING.]

"Do I have to take
a NUMBER? HOW
does this WORK?"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"I AM
right Here,
My beloved."

(Chomping.)
(Nod.)
"Okay."
(Chomp.)
"I have a QUESTION.
Can I ASK YOU SOMETHING?"

[SMILING!]
"Yes,
child.
Ask Me."

"Well..........."
(Squint at the ceiling.)
(Solemn frown.)
"I have a QUESTION,
about PRAYER!"

[NOD.]
"Yes,
My child?"

(Pause.)
(Sip some orange soda.***)
(Burp.)
"WELL.........suppose,
like, somebody wants
to pray for somebody
ELSE, and......"

"Who,
child?"

(Pouring some Ragu****
onto a plate full of noodles
and hamburger*****.)
(Impatient voice.)
"Just SOMEBODY!
Say.....SOMEBODY,
that this OTHER person
knows at WORK!"

"Ah....
YES."
[SMILE!]
[NOD.]
"Go on."

(Frown.)
(Set dish into microwave.)
(Pause.)
(Stick a piece 'a paper towel
over the bowl.)
(Close door, and punch
some buttons.)
"Well, HOW does
that WORK? SUPPOSE
the LORD is MAD at
that other PERSON?
Or....doesn't LIKE HIM?
Then, WHAT?"

[TENDERLY PATIENT VOICE.]
"Who,
My beloved?"

{BING!}
(Take out bowl.)
(Lift up paper towel.)
(Stick finger in bowl.)
(Frown.)
(Push bowl back into
microwave.)
(Slam door, and punch
some more buttons.)
(Curse.)
(Pause. Look up.)
"SORRY!"
(Point down.)
"...But, I
FORGOT to put the
PAPER TOWEL BACK
ON! NOW, THERE'S
GONNA BE SPAGHETTI
SAUCE ALL OVER THE
MICROWAVE!"

[CHUCKLING.]

(Yell up to the ceiling.)
"It's a HUMAN THING!
THEY DIDN'T HAVE
THESE AROUND,
WHEN YOU WERE ON
EARTH!"

[CHUCKLE.]
"I understand,
My beloved."

"THESE THINGS ARE
GREAT, BUT THEY'RE
A PAIN TO CLEAN!"

[PATIENT NODDING.]

(Squint.)
"Where WAS I?
Oh.
Yeah; the PRAYER thing!"
(Peer into microwave.)
(Cuss, again.)
"So........what if the
LORD doesn't LIKE
that OTHER PERSON?
Is HE gonna take it
out, on the OTHER GUY?"

[SLOWLY NODDING.]
[PATIENT, BUT WISE
SQUINT.]
"Who are we talking
about,
My child?"

(Impatient shake of
the rumpled head.)
{BING!}
(Mutter.)
(Open door, and
take out bowl.)
"NOBODY!
I'm just making up a.....
Ya KNOW!"

[NODDING.]

"A......a,
Ya know!"
(Wave hand in the air.)
"Ya know!"

[SMILING.]
[PATIENT NODDING.]
"Ah.
I SEE."

(Nodding, impatiently.)
"Like........"
(Pop open Kraft bottle.)
(Shake some Kraft grated
cheese over the bowl.)
(Close up bottle.)
(Pause.)
(Open up bottle, again.)
(Shake on some more cheese.)
"Like, Ya know how
the LORD hated ESSAU******?
Well.....suppose
Essau PRAYED for one 'a
his FRIENDS? Would
the LORD have not
ANSWERED that PRAYER?
FOR his FRIEND?
Ya know what I MEAN?"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

(Chomping.)
(Swallowing.)
(Stick fork back in the
bowl.)
"WELL?
HOW does that WORK?"

[QUIET VOICE.]
"Tell Me,
My beloved."

(Chewing.)
(Shrug.)
"WELL.....it's just
I've been PRAYING
for this friend 'a
mine, at WORK,
for a long TIME,
and....."
(Shrug.)
(Chomp.)

[QUIET GAZE.]

(Shrug.)
"Well, SO FAR,
it's been ZIP!"

[GAZE.]

"And.....it's been,
like, a REALLY LONG
time....Ya KNOW?"

[TENDER VOICE.]
"You think
the Lord
doesn't love
you,
child?"

(Philosophical shrug.)
"WELL....."
(Chew.)
"I think He's like
the REST a' my RELATIVES.....
He LOVES me;
but,
He doesn't LIKE me!"
(Wave at the ceiling.)
"I UNDERSTAND!
It's OKAY!"

[SORROWFUL GAZE.]

"SO?
How does that WORK?
Should I get SOMEBODY
ELSE to PRAY for HER?
Would... THAT HELP?"

[TENDER VOICE.]
"No,
My child."

(Nodding.)
(Set bowl down on
the floor.)
(Watch cat pad over
to the bowl and sniff.)
(Look up.)
"WELL, should I just
QUIT?
PRAYING,
I mean!"

[GAZE SADLY,
OVER HIS BEAUTIFUL,
WRETCHED EARTH.]
[LONG PAUSE.]
"Don't ever stop,
child."

(Pour some more orange
soda.)
"But, WHY?
It's not doin' any GOOD!"

[WHISPER, SOFTLY.]
"Because,
child."

"ZIPPITIE-DO-DA!
THAT'S WHAT IT'S
DOIN'!"

[GENTLE VOICE.]
"If you continue
to pray....."

(Impatient shout.)
"WHAT?"

[TENDER WHISPER.]
"You might
find out,
Who
I
AM."
*********************
I
and
the Father
are One.
[John 10:30]



__________________
*Smothered in Ranch
dressing: the non-diet,
high-cholesterol kind.
**Also smothered in
dressing. The author
figures the longer she
lives, the more politicians
she's gonna have to vote
for.
***The water-thing
only lasted a couple
weeks. The author is
back to soda. The craving
was so bad, after a whole
day of water, that she
stopped on the way home
from work and bought
4 big bottles of coke,
orange soda, black-cherry
soda, and rootbeer.
****Prego is the best,
but Ragu now comes in
those plastic bottles;
it's just easier.
*****The 80/20 kind;
that other lean-as-can
be-stuff is way too DRY.
This whole no-fat-thing
is a scam; the politicians
figure the longer that the
constituency lives, the
more taxes they're just
gonna have to pay.
******[Romans 9:13]

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