Short Stories
"Valeria!, come buy some celery and a can of green beans. I need them for my casserole, those are the main ingredients", shouted her mother Rosie. "Okay, mom. After all these years you're still cooking my favorite dishes. I wish I could cook like you", smiled Valeria while hugging her mother. "You can learn if you stay in the kitchen sometimes, instead of watching so much television. In my day the family gathered together and talked. We didn't go into our own little circles. That's why families today are in strife. They don't communicate", said Rosie.
Valeria is in town for Thanksgiving Day. She's been married to Matthew for three years. They live in a middle-class section of Los Angeles, Ca. Valeria is a successful bridal consultant and Matthew owns a combination bakery and club where independent Christian artists come to give concerts. She is the only child in the family so Rosie tends to be protective of her. Valeria's father died in car accident when she was fourteen years old so she served as a caretaker to her mother for many years. Valeria's two favorite aunts, Louise and Florine are here too. They give Valeria a lot of spiritual wisdom and teach her about quilting and gardening. As a teenager, she used to help them plant tomatoes, strawberries, sunflowers and violets. During the summer they would give her a daily Bible lesson, from Genesis to Revelation. It was because of their influence that Valeria became a Christian shortly after graduating from college. She now helps future brides plan their weddings but she also imparts knowledge to them and tells them about how important this decision is. If her client is a Christian, she asks them if her fiance is one too because she doesn't want the couple to be unequally yoked. Valeria knows she can't stop the wedding but she wants to help them make godly choices.
Around 10 a.m., Aunt Louise, Rosie and Valeria are stuffing cornish hens. "So, how's your job?", asked Rosie. "It's going well. The brides are getting away from traditional white dresses. Many are looking for gold, blue, beige and even pink. And they're also replacing white cakes with chocolate ones. I specialize in all kinds of dresses but I have a special preference for white dresses. White symbolizes purity", replied Valeria. "I agree. There's something wonderful about traditional white", added Aunt Louise. "And what about the bakery?" asked Rosie. "It's still getting off to a slow start. Matthew's mission is to spread the gospel through the shop but what if we're not drawing people in?", replied Valeria. "Don't worry about that. Just try some other methods and leave the results in God's hands. There'll be some potential converts, be patient", said Rosie. "That shop is blessed by God, He will draw people to Him through it. it doesn't always happen quickly", smiled Aunt Louise.
Meanwhile, Aunt Florine dusted the furniture and swept the floor. Minutes later Valeria walked in the den. "Why are you by yourself? You're usually laughing and telling jokes", she said. "Things haven't been going right for me this past year. I'm staying with your Aunt Louise because I'm separated from your Uncle Daniel. He moved in with this young lady", she replied. "I'm sorry to hear about separation. You've been with him for almost 30 years. Is he trying to save the marriage?", asked Valeria. "No, he's not. I tried doing the things we did when we were first married--you know, like eating out, going to concerts, having nice conversations and sending each other little notes", said Aunt Florine. "I know you must feel abandoned, but God is still with you and maybe this marriage can be saved", said Valeria. "I hope so, I love him and I want to work things out", said Aunt Florine.
As Rosie and Louise entered the room,they gathered around Florine as she cried. Meanwhile Valeria went to her old room, shut the door and prayed for her aunt's restoration. Afterwards she went in the kitchen and made the cherry cobbler. Rosie then returned to the kitchen. "I hope Florine and Daniel get back together. He's blinded by his sexual appetite but with God all things are possible", she said. "This happens so many times in a marriage. The husbands think the grass is greener on the other side when it's not. I think he'll come to his senses soon. This is Satan's attack on their marriage", said Valeria.
Around 5 p.m., dinner was served. "I love these cornish hens, Rosie. You were always the best cook out of all of us. And this shrimp dressing is too good! I want this recipe", laughed Aunt Florine. "And I enjoy this green bean casserole. It tastes just like mom's. You two cook just alike", said Aunt Louise. "So,Valeria. Are you cooking good food for Matthew? I hope it's not that boxed stuff. I'm talking about homemade food", smiled Rosie. "Yes, I'm still learning the basics. But I need help with that gravy, I burned it ten times in three years", joked Valeria. "Good thing your husband has the patience of Job", laughed Aunt Florine. "When are you having kids?", asked Aunt Louise. "We haven't decided yet. I'm thirty years old, I still have time. I want two children, preferably twin girls", replied Valeria. "I'd love that, Val. You're really compassionate and nurturing. You'd make a good mother", said Rosie.
Around nightfall, the two aunts left and Valeria and Rosie cleaned the kitchen. "I enjoyed the whole dinner, it was really good. So when are you going to retire from the post office? You look burned out", asked Valeria. "I'm only fifty-five years old. I am very tired but I gotta pay the last few thousand dollars on this house", replied Rosie. "Mom, you could've told me you were struggling to keep this house. When I go back home I'll send checks on a monthly basis to help you pay the mortgage", said Valeria. "Thanks, I really appreciate it. Now I'll sleep better for the next few months", smiled Rosie.
Months after Thanksgiving, Valeria received a letter from Aunt Florine. It stated that Daniel wants to make the marriage work and they're seeing a Christian counselor. Florine doesn't fully trust him yet but she believes that God will restore their relationship. "This is truly good news", smiled Valeria.
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However, I would have liked more story about that part of the plot. It only got a couple of paragraphs in the middle and a brief comment at the end. Yet I felt that it was intended to be the heart of the story. How did the characters resolve the plot? We only know that Valarie prayed one time for their marriage. Did she keep praying? Were there others praying? Was there one big event that changed the husbands mind or were there several little events?
Also, if you started a new paragraph each time a new person started speaking, it would make the story easier to read. I would always know who is speaking.
David
You wrote a synopsis for a short story, not a short story. Show don't tell. And promise yourself to make your stories longer. We all like to rush but unfortunately "flash fiction" is a highly developed skill. I've won short story contests and yet I still can't write short shorts. Tell yourself you will go slow, you will expand the stories, and you will not write less than 14 pages on a story. Then it forces you to do everything the story requires. And youi know the characters better. Don't say she is protective. Show why. Give her greater motivations and inner desires than merely figuring out the meal and being there for her family. In a story, characters with different goals meet and clash. And people change from beginning to end.