Faith

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Dear God,

I have been an egregious sinner on so many occasions. Is it false hope to think that I can change? I have let pride interfere by blotting out the things that I have done. That was yet another sin. I grow weary. I am now on medication as I saw what I feel God was showing me about addictions. Well, how does one avoid every single addiction? I suppose that some have done a much better job than I. Coffee is an addiction. Soda is an addiction. All work and no play is an addiction. You name it and it is most likely an addiction.

For every thing that I try to avoid for any length of time, the more woes that get heaped upon me to get me to break again. Sometimes I do momentarily, but I fear going back to a lot of it on a permanent basis. Now, everything is being stripped from me and I see family members suffering the same. We are a family torn apart and I feel that I played the biggest part. However, I acknowledge that others were just as misleading or mislead. I am trying to figure out how to undo it all, but I fear that it is Lucifer playing God and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I know that what's done may be done, but surely there must be a better way regardless. Please, please assist me and direct me. My biggest fear is that as I never knew You before, I will fall prey to either the devil within or the devil without. I just wish to do the right thing, but what is that exactly?

Why must this be a constant battle? Why must I be happy and lonely, depressed and elated, passive and aggressive? Just help me to understand. I know that I am in Babylon, but is the only way out through death? Is there another way? Can I recapture my youth and feel happiness as I did in the past? I do at times, but at others I feel that some things are futile. It should not be that way. I also suppose that I would argue with You--not winning of course. Just to be able to talk to You one on One and know that I have the best Friend in the world and that that Friend will be there for me and protect me and help me.

Anyway, please feel free to contact me in some small way. Actually, if You could make it a big way, then that would be okay too, haha.

Love,

Little Insignificant Me

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