Marriage

---

Pastor Allen Hood, who ministers at International House Of Prayers (IHOP), had a very insightful testimony that he shared with the students of an awakening service at IHOP on July 9, 2010. He shared how God broke his religious spirit. One part of his testimony was how God sees his wife compared with how he looked at her. And that is what I am camping on for this article.

(to listen to the message, please copy/paste this link: http://www.divshare.com/download/12000294-249)

When Pastor Allen was married, he expected his wife to be what he wanted her to be. He wanted her to be wherever he was, and to minister in the ways that he ministered. Then one day, God spoke to him: "Before she was your wife, she was my daughter. You wanted her to be a pastor's wife.However, what if I call her to be an evangelist to her neighbor? As a result, he repented before God and his wife for how he had treated her.

Whoa! Our God is good, full of wisdom and justice!

Many husbands and wives (including me) believe that the role of a wife is to assist, to support, and to fulfill her husband's call. Many wives, including me, have had to give up their own desires and ambitions once they married and have children. Unless it is supported by her husband, the opposition from family is a big obstacle for married women. In fact, it usually becomes a roadblock in perusing their own ministry. And if a woman persists to go after ministry, then she might lose her relationship with her husband's family, and maybe even her own family.

Most godly wives are content to be just a helpmate and to do everything for her husband's sake, and nothing for herself. This is a wonderful calling and I admire that desire. Yet, some wives sense there is more to life than just that. Besides being a wife and mother, they have an even stronger calling in their life. Some were called by God before they married, and others were saved and have a call through the transformation of God after they married. These women flow with anointing spiritual gifts that reach and bless people. However, if a wife's vision conflicts with her husband's, then she will face opposition. Some husbands (whether they are intentional or not) will quote verses from the Bible in order to put guilt on their spouse; the famous one is "wife, submit to your husband (Ephesians 5:22).They use this as a weapon to control their wife.

The verse: "Wife, submit to your husband"speaks directly to the wife who is seeking God's heart. The verse does not say "Husband, tell your wife that she should submit to her husband."The verse should also not be used by husbands in order to control their wives as well as different situations so that they may get their own way. God gives wives wisdom so that they may receive even greater blessings. One day, each wife will stand before God and be judged by the word of God that has been revealed to her. He will not come to ask husbands how their wives did or did not follow Him. He will only come to a husband and ask him: "Did you love your wife as I loved you?"

Husbands have the responsibility to guide their family to the truth. By following the Lord Jesus's footsteps, a husband should first love his wife, just as Christ first loved him. As a result of the husband following this principle, the wife's heart will be melted and softened. She will also be a lot more eager to love her husband and will desire to unite with him and follow him.

If a husband thinks that his wife is rebellious, he should repent before God of his own rebellion and behavior. This is better to do than controlling and rebuking her by not following God's word. Isn't it also true that when we see our children fall short, it reflects what we did?

Wives and husbands can definitely find a balance between their differences. In God, nothing is impossible. Looking Biblically at the saying "Wife, submit to your husband, " a wife must refuse to submit to the husband who is an abuser and even a threat to her life. When she obeys His word, God will put her in the right spot. The same principle applies to the saying: "Husband, love your wife." Looking at that, a wife should not agree that a husband lives his life passively. She must also not be demanding, and he needs to take his stand as the head of the household.

I have seen a wife have an affair with another man because she didn't want to be a pastor's wife. Furthermore, they are now divorced and their four little children suddenly have many step-brothers and step sisters. The wife lives the life she wants, and the husband is an associate pastor. However, I am not really sure if this result will bring them to their purpose that they believe it is their calling from God.

Thankfully, unlike the story that was previously mentioned there are many successful examples that wives are following their call from God. Some examples of Godly wives are Beth Moore, Cindy Jacob, and Patricia King. These women of God never neglected their roles as both wife and mother. In addition, these women are submissive to their husbands---men who support them behind the scene, through prayers and help. Today, many other women are blessed through their ministry. One time, Beth Moore said that she would not go on the stage until she had received her husband's blessings. If her husband prayed for her by standing, then she would kneel down to receive. If he knelt down, she would lay herself down. Either way, she wanted to be under his cover. That impacted me a lot.

Ultimately we are called to find our destiny and fulfill our calls on earth. There is a destiny in our nation, a destiny in our state, a destiny in our city, a destiny in our church, a destiny in our family, a destiny for each couple, and a destiny for each one individually. It flows in order. Destinies are not the same but, like a puzzle piece, they link to one another. If a nation fulfills its calling, then so does the state, city, church, family, couple, and individuals. A husband and wife should be able to communicate with each other to find out their own callings, then seek and pray to work it out together.

After both my husband and I finished listening to the message, I joked about myself to my husband and said: "Too bad that I wasn't your wife before I was God's daughter." However, I am grateful that my husband is a godly man and gives me a lot of freedom to do what I want to do in the kingdom. I am also thankful that Pastor Allen's message touched my husband's heart and that he wants me to continue to have freedom, yet, I fear my God and I desire to continually partner with whatever my husband's calling is. I also don't think that I will reach my call unless he reaches his. Without his goodness and provision, I would not have had chance to go to any of the many conferences that I have gone to-- conferences that have impacted me deeply, but required a lot of financial support and my husband's time and energy, with my children being at home.

I have learned that if "my personal perusals" do not bring my family peace, joy or any blessing, then I will wait and pray for further guidance. Every time when I go somewhere alone (visiting my family, conferences, Bible study..etc), I pray double blessings upon my husband and our children.

As husbands or wives trying to "control" our spouse to go the way that we want to go because we "think" that is what God wants our family to go, is like two persons pulling a rope on each side---sometimes towards the right, sometimes toward the left, depending on who is stronger at that time, but it goes no further..and both eventually wear out. Only giving up our "life" and submitting to one another (maybe only one side submission) can gain a true "life" in God. Unless we walk in this truth, we will never understand and experience what it means.

My husband never intends to control my life to go the way that he feels called to do. Instead, he shares his desires with me and sees if it will work out for both of us and our children. I try to do the same with him about my desires. Therefore, I am surprised that he is still touched by Pastor Allen Hood's message. What a godly man he is! O Lord, bless him richly!! Now it is my responsibility to not to take this freedom as an advantage to pursue "my own" calling at an extreme. Instead, I will pray more for my husband and see his calling fulfilled.

Hopefully, you, the readers (whether husbands or wives) do not take what I have said for just your spouse to mediate about it. Instead, let's focus on what is right for ourselves in the Lord. Leave your spouse to God. All we need to do is to love, to respect, to pray, and to be like Christ.

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE