Women
Whether or not we admit it, wouldn’t it be nice if we could finally conquer that enormous feat and finally become the perfect mothers we know we’re so capable of being? Wouldn’t it be great if we could wake up each morning already knowing our day will be great because we’re perfect? Breakfast, laundry and a spotless house would all be done before noon. Playdates and groceries, by 2pm?….done. You notice from afar in the check-out line a mother trying to control her tantrum throwing toddler while cuddling her crying six-month-old. You just nod your head because she is so not the perfect mother. You’ve taught your older children to love school so much homework is a breeze, which gives you time to create gourmet meals every night. Your gourmet meals are such a hit with your husband that while being the perfect mother, you’ve managed to become the perfect wife too. Wow, life is good!
Now back to reality. When I became a believer in Christ I had to learn what it meant to stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations and start living for God. I wasted so much time trying to emulate the mothers I was around daily, and being frustrated because I wasn’t like them.
I once overheard a mother criticize her friend who would go to bed with the kitchen dirty at night. This particular mother said she’s unable to sleep when the kitchen is a mess. I vowed that day I would clean the kitchen every night before I went to bed.
I was at another friends house when and she brought out tons of crafts that she had stored away to do with her children. I went home that day and told my husband it was time we stock up on craft supplies for our children.
I was at an event for moms and the leader in charge, who prided herself at being in education for many years, told us that if we allow our children to watch T.V. we’re doing damage to them. I went home that day and decided I was no longer going to allow my children to watch T.V.
This new and improved mother I became lasted collectively for about…one week. Something I had to learn as a growing daughter in Christ, is we all have opinions, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s opinion is best for our lives.
The Word says in Psalms 139: 13 NIV You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” What this verse says to me is that God knows who we are before we are even born. He knows who were even before we are conceived. Everything God creates is good and I had to personally understand that I am living for Him, my heavenly Father, not the other mothers surrounding me. God made me good. We are all different for a reason. We should be blessings to each other, not assume we’re perfect, and expect everyone around us to do their best to be just like us.I had to understand that it was no mistake that I am the mother to my children. God made no mistake when He placed us together as a family.
When I decided we had to stock up on craft supplies I was reminded how craft challenged I am, so sitting down doing crafts with my younger children would never happen. I am, however, a person who can sit and play board games with them. My children love board games. It’s fun and it’s quality time. I’m also a get-up-and-go person. I’ll take all three little ones to the park, zoo and museum any day. I also have the pleasure of having a teenaged son. He plays sports year round and it means a great deal to him that I actually attend ninety percent of his games. He also enjoys our time watching movies together and going to dinner.
My vow to clean the kitchen every night before bed was literally a two night event. Although, I don’t want to suggest having a dirty house is okay, I understand life happens, and as much as clutter and dirty dishes drive me crazy, there are nights I am just flat out too tired to deal with it. There are plenty of nights when, as a family, we clean the house after dinner and it’s so pretty once we’re done. There are also nights when it looks as if a fraternity house decided to have party directly in our living room and kitchen. I go to bed when it looks like a mess sometimes and I assure you I lose no sleep over it. I get up the next morning and I clean up.
I allowed myself to feel bad because my children do watch television. The educator and the event I attended made a blanket statement about watching television. What matters is how long the children actually watch television and what they’re watching. What I allow my children to watch is educational. They learned how to say a few words in sign language from a television. They also spend a lot of time outside and enjoying the world around them so simply making a statement like that was a bit careless.
God knows our hearts. When Jesus teaches on the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, He teaches us how to have a loving heart. Our intentions have to be good. If our hearts are to be the best we can be for our children, God knows that. It means nothing to God that we live in a pretend world as the perfect mother in front of everyone else, yet we’re frustrated, and upset with our children behind closed doors.
Being the perfect mother means to stop being perfect..today. Only God is perfect, and all we can do is do our best to live the way He calls us to live; that is to pray and seek His guidance. I remember I used to be so embarrassed of the thought of someone dropping by my house unexpectedly. Well that fear went away a long time ago. I warn my friends now. I’m honest and tell them if they want to drop by they are doing so at their own risk. I cannot guarantee the house will be clean or I’m not in a screaming match with one of my children.
Being the perfect mother is making people feel comfortable around us. I truly believe our Christian community will grow even stronger once we stop the charade of the wonderful life. Our lives are wonderful, but they’re wonderful because it’s freeing to just live and be you. It takes more energy trying to be perfect than to just live as a real human being. We’ll be happier mothers and wives when we let go and live for God and our family.
Being the perfect mother, is realizing that we are already perfect in the name of Jesus Christ! He loves us dearly. He loves our children dearly. There’s nothing we will ever do that will stop Him from loving us. There is also nothing we can do to make him love us even more, He loves us…period. Just as you will always love your earthly children, no matter what, your Father in heaven feels the exact same way about you. He knows how busy you are, how tired you are, how frustrated you are. He knows every little detail about your life. Bring it all to Him. You will see your life change with prayer and wisdom from God.
Rejoice today and be happy that you no longer have to prove anything to anyone. God knows your name and He is telling you at this moment, you are His perfect daughter. Be happy this day because you are indeed the perfect mother.
Saleama is a wife, mother of four, writer and speaker. She is also a student at a local Bible college. Saleama serves in leadership at her church in women's ministry. She can be reached at www.salruv.com
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