World Affairs

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Vanity
of vanities...
All is
vanity.
[Ecclesiastes 1:2]
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"It's a wonder his
EGO didn't freeze,
when it hit the WATER!"

[CALM GAZE.]

"What d'Ya THINK,
LORD?"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
"What are you
doing,
My precious?"

(Slurping on a tangerine
popsicle.)
(Shrug.)
"NOTHIN':
just,
talkin' to YOU!"

[NOD.]
[SMILE.]

"I think that guy's
a jackass,
Lord."

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Who,
child?"

"That GUY.....
who swam under...
or ....OVER...
or....AROUND..
Mount EVEREST!"

[CHUCKLE.]

"Ya think he could
find somethin' BETTER
to do, with his SWIMMING
SKILLS!"

[NOD.]
[FROWN.]
"Don't judge,
child."

"Aw! Come ON,
LORD!"
(Look up.)
(Drip some popsicle on
the chair.)
"If he's such a great
SWIMMER......
why doesn't he go over
to LOUSIANA,
and get into that horrible, mucky
WATER.. from the oil SPILL,
and help save some a'
those ANIMALS?
TWENTY MINUTES IN THAT
WATER, AND HE MIGHT
GET A LITTLE DIRTY,
HUH?"

[SIGH.]

"THAT'S what
a MENSCH*
would DO;
he wouldn't
need to PROVE
anything,
or want any
PUBLICITY!"

[SHAKE HEAD
IN CONSTERNATION.]
[LONG PAUSE.]
"What of your skills,
child?"

(Clueless squint
up at the ceiling.)
"HUH?"

[PATIENT GAZE
AT SCRUFFY CHILD
SLURPING ON ANOTHER
POPSICLE: THIS ONE
IS RASPBERRY.]
"What are you
doing for
Me,
child?"

(Lick some popsicle
off of chin.)
"What d'Ya
want me to DO,
LORD?"
(Grimace.)
You know how
I feel about
Mount EVEREST:

'Never GO to a place
where trees can't LIVE!
If they won't,
neither will YOU!'"
(Laugh!)

[QUIET VOICE.]
"I'm not
asking you
to go to
Mount Everest,
My child."

(Laugh!)
(Shout to the ceiling.)
(Point with sticky popsicle
stick.)
(Make a thumbs-up sign.)
"GOOD!
THAT'S GOOD!
I'M GLAD WE'VE
AGREED ON SOMETHIN',
LORD!"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
[SHAKE HEAD.]
"Listen
to Me."

(Squint.)
(Pause.)
(Squint.)
"I don't HEAR nothin'?"

[TENDER VOICE.]
"What are you
doing for
Me,
child?"

(Look up.)
"I thought You
had, like:
BILLIONS a' ANGELS?
Tell 'em to get off their
butts,
LORD!"

[BURST OF GENTLE LAUGHTER
FROM THE RIGHT
SIDE OF THE THRONE.]

[PATIENT FROWN
FROM THE LEFT SIDE.]

(Laughing.)
(Sip some Walmart
orangette.)

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Just think about
it,
My child."

(Squint at the Orangette can.)
"'BOUT WHAT?
I already FORGOT,
what we were
talkin' ABOUT?"

[PATIENT WHISPER.]
"Oy vey."

(Laughing.)
"Hey, LORD?
'YA THINK
HE FROZE SOMETIHIN'
.....ELSE......?
WHEN HE GOT INTO THAT
WATER AT....
MOUNT EVEREST?"
(Laugh!)

[LONG PAUSE.]
[TURN TO THE
RIGHT SIDE OF
THE THRONE.]
"Do You think
she really knows
Who she is talking to?"

[GENTLE VOICE.]
"No,
Father."
[GENTLE CHUCKLE.]
[GENTLE SHAKE OF THE HEAD.]
"Not
at
all."
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Then
I looked
on all
the works
that my hands
had done.....
And indeed
all was
vanity
and grasping
for
the wind.
[Ecclesiastes 2:11]

________________
*Yiddish: 'fine human
being'; 'someone
who does something,
just because it's the
right thing to do'.

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