Short Stories
Then
as he
[Elijah]
lay
and slept
under the
broom tree
suddenly
an angel
touched
him.
[1 Kings 19:5]
***********************
(Whiny, kvetchy,
sorrowful voice.)
"I made a faux-PAS,
Lord!"
[NODDING.]
"What,
My child."
"Oh.
I forgot!"
(Look up at the ceiling.)
"You're just learning
ENGLISH!"
[CHUCKLE.]
"That isn't English,
child."
"YES, it IS!
It's FRENCH....
only, it's USED
as an ENGLISH
EXPRESSION!
I don't think the
FRENCH....even
USE it, any MORE;
at least,
now that the
AMERICANS....
do!"
(Grimace.)
".....When I was in
FRANCE....."
(Grimace.)
"That's a long,
horrible... STORY..!
ANYWAY...."
[WISE NOD.]
"It means.....that....
I did something
politically-INCORRECT,
in FRONT of PEOPLE."
[WISE NOD.]
"Ah.
And,
what was this
terrible thing,
which you did,
Mein kin'der."
(Yell at the ceiling.)
"I BROUGHT A CAN
OF COKE TO A
BIBLE STUDY!"
"I'm Right Here,
My kin'der'lah;
you needn't shout."
(Shout.)
"IT WASN'T EVEN
THE DIET, ZERO-CARB-
KIND!"
[SIGH.]
"Go on."
"IT WAS THE REGULAR,
COCA-COLA, ORIGINAL
SUGARY, ALL-CARB-KIND!"
(Kvetchy squint.)
"And...EVERYBODY
ELSE, THERE...
was drinking
plain, NON-
CARBONATED.. WATER!
ECH!"
[GLANCE OVER AT THE
THRONE TO THE RIGHT.]
[CHUCKLE.]
(Shout.)
"I CAN'T STAND WATER!
ECH!"
[NOD.]
[SIGH.]
"I understand,
Mein kin'der'lah.
So,
what happened."
"I was REBUKED!"
[NOD.]
"Ah."
(Smirk.)
"Who CARES?
So.....I DIE,
ten minutes....
EARLY?
SO WHAT?"
[SHAKE HEAD.]
[SIGH.]
[BECKON A MESSENGER-ANGEL
INTO THE THRONE
ROOM. THE ANGEL
HAS JUST COME
FROM A RATHER
PERPLEXING SITUATION
SOMEWHERE OVER
WEST PHILADELPHIA,
PENNSYLVANIA.
THE ANGEL'S NAME IS JOE,
AND HAS BLOND, CURLY HAIR
AND BLUE-GREEN EYES LIKE
THE STRONG COLD WAVES AT THE NEW
JERSEY SHORE. JOES'S THICK BLOND
HAIR REACHES THE MIDDLE
OF HIS MUSCULAR BACK,
AND IS TIED TOGETHER WITH
A CORD OF SEA HEMP.
WHEREVER JOE GOES ON EARTH,
HE BRINGS THE SCENT OF THE SEASHORE
ON A LAZY SUMMERS DAY.
IN HEAVEN, HOWEVER, HE SMELLS JUST
LIKE ALL THE OTHER ANGELS.
JOE'S GAUZY BEIGE ANGEL-GOWN IS
CARELESSLY SLIPPED OFF
OF ONE TANNED, MUSCULAR SHOULDER,
AND THE CURLY BLOND HAIR
ON HIS CHEST IS GLINTING
IN THE THRONE LIGHT.
IN ONE MUSCULAR ARM JOE IS
CARRYING A HEAVY GOLD
PLATTER; ON THE PLATTER IS A
SMALL SCROLL TIED WITH A
RIBBON OF PURE GOLD.
JOE STOPS IN FRONT OF
THE THRONE, AND KNEELS.
HE GRACEFULLY HOLDS OUT
THE GOLD PLATTER: HIS
BLOND HAIR SPILLING OVER
ONE OF HIS FEATHERY-SOFT
BEIGE WINGS,
AS HE BOWS HIS GOLDEN,
HALOED HEAD DEEPLY.]
[THE LORD NODS, AND REACHES OUT
FOR THE PROFFERED SCROLL.]
(Shouting to the ceiling.)
"And....I LIKE COKE!
What is it: A SIN?"
[CALMLY NODDING.]
[UNTIE THE RIBBON OF GOLD,
AND BEGIN READING CONTENTS
OF THE SCROLL. THE RIBBON
OF PURE GOLD HAS SLIPPED
TO THE THRONE FLOOR.
A LITTLE BLACK AND WHITE KITTEN,
NAMED PANDA,
COMING OUT OF SEEMINGLY NOWHERE,
POPS ITS HEAD FROM
BENEATH THE THRONE
CHAIR, AND BEGINS BATTING
AT THE RIBBON.
PANDA KICKS UP ITS
LITTLE HIND PAWS, AND
BEGINS FIGHTING WITH IT,
FURIOUSLY.
SOFT GROWLS CAN BE HEARD
AMIDST THE GURGLING,
FLOWING WATER OF THE RIVER
OF LIFE IN FRONT OF
THE THRONE.]
[THE LORD CONTINUES
READING.]
(Irritable shout.)
"Are YOU LISTENING,
LORD?"
[READING.]
[CALM VOICE.]
"Yes,
Mein kin'der."
[CALM NOD.]
"You were rebuked
about the soda."
"WELL?
ISN'T THAT STUPID?"
[LOOK UP FROM READING.]
[PLACE SCROLL BACK
ONTO TO GOLD PLATTER.]
[JOE LOOKS ABOUT FOR
THE TIE-RIBBON, SEES
IT DOWN UNDER THE
THRONE CHAIR IN PANDA'S
LITTLE POINTED
TEETH AND TINY SHARP
CLAWS, AND LOOKS UP
AT THE FATHER. THE
LORD SHAKES HIS HEAD.
JOE NODS OBEDIENTLY,
AND STANDS UP, LEAVING
THE SCROLL AS
IS, WITHOUT THE RIBBON,
AND BOWS AGAIN, BEFORE TAKING
OFF FOR ANOTHER
ANGELIC ADVENTURE,
PROBABLY SOMEWHERE
OVER NORTHEAST
PHILADELPHIA. AS
MOST ANGELS, JOE IS
REGIONALLY ASSIGNED:
HE USUALLY STAYS IN
THE TRI-STATE AREA.]
[THE FATHER TURNS
TO HIS RIGHT TO
SAY SOMETHING
IN PRIVATE.]
[A GENTLE BURST
OF LAUGHTER
ENSUES.]
(Irritable squint at the
ceiling.)
"LORD?
Are YOU LISTENING
to ME?"
[CHUCKLING.]
"Yes,
Mein kin'der."
[NOD.]
"Every precious word."
(Irritable face.)
(Pause.)
(Sudden sniff.)
"What's THAT?"
[SMILE.]
"What is what,
Mein kin'der."
(Sniff.)
(Sniff.)
"That.....SMELL?"
(Sniff.)
"It SMELLS LIKE..."
(Sniff.)
"....the OCEAN...!"
[SMILE.]
[NOD.]
(Close eyes,
and take another whiff.)
"Wow......"
(Sniff.)
"It REMINDS me....
of the time I used to
spend at the JERSEY
SHORE....."
(Sniff.)
"....When I was a little..
KID!"
[NOD.]
[COMMAND THE ANGEL
JOE, WHO WAS JUST
SENT TO SOUTH TEXAS
FOR A MINUTE-ASSIGNMENT.....
...BACK TO PHILADELPHIA.]
(Squint.)
"I FORGET what
I was KVETCHING about....
LORD?"
[SMILE.]
**********************
And
the angel
of the
Lord
came back
the second time,
and
touched
him.
[1 Kings 19:7]
______________
For Lynn.
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