Poetry

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I used to revel in sin.
Never really believing in anything.
Yet, I was always drawn to Your Word.
Wanting to prove all things, I seek You out.
Why me?
Why do You care so much about me--love me so much?
Why can I not find the rest that I see on others’ faces?
I only wish to fall under Your protection and guidance.
It’s just that I don’t know if I am following Your Will.
Oh, I think I am, but thinking too hard has gotten me in much trouble.
Should I then not think?
Should I render myself completely useless to others?
Should I become a non-entity?
How can I possibly live up to Your standards?
I suppose I was never able to do this to begin with.
Not wanting to be a sinner and yet constantly surrounded by sin.
Never raised in a bubble of protection or shielded from it.
Never told the truth by others when I so desperately yearned for it.
Never rebuked properly by others and left to wander.
Always succumbing to influences beyond my control.
These same temptations allowed to exist by the powers that be.
Now, I think You are calling me back.
I know I was yet another gone astray.
But now that I know, is it too late?
Have I made one too many wrong choices?
I know I have to forgive those who harmed me.
However, I cannot associate with them.
It just brings back the pain all over again.
They continue to act in an unloving manner.
All I wish is to be able to play a part in Your Kingdom.
Perhaps, that too, is wrong of me?
Why do I have such doubts?

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