Testimonies

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This is just some thoughts I want to share, trailings from when I attended a singles' retreat. I am simply acknowledging something that has been confronting me privately. I have not told this to anyone for quite some time, until now.

I do not need to know how to find a spouse. That is not up to me. All that is up to me is to recognize, what is coming my way, whether it is of the Lord or not.

For example: If I am told that I am only to marry a Christian woman, then if one comes along that wants to be with me as a wife, then that might be of the Lord. What needs to be known is if she and I are willing to count the cost of living together as such. There is a definite cost of living with me, as there are with any person.

To be clear, I do NOT believe it is God's will for me to search for a spouse. As it is, I tend to make really unwise choices. When I was a non-believer, I chose the wrong gods (addictions, sins, etc.) so how could I choose the right God? I am only a Christian because Jesus chose me from the foundation of the world. Any other way would have never led me to where I am now. The things you see that I do now, or have done, were not chosen by me. They chose me, as to say the Lord chose them for me. No plan in my life is my plan, it is all Him. So if He wants me married He will choose such. That leaves me at contented rest.

While I do believe it is the Lord's will for me to NOT seek a wife (1 Corinthians 7:27), I do believe it is His will for me to seek souls (Mark 16:15). My church is like Rachel, saying, "Give me children, or I'll die!" It is not my part to be busy about the business of the flesh but of the Father.

So, admittedly, I grow weary hearing how to find a spouse. My heart is not there. While I have the desire for such things, I have a greater conviction to be about the Lord's business. If He wants me married, then I need do nothing, but nothing, about it. That lets me focus on His revealed general will for me. That is my cup of water.

Someone may respond to this by saying, "it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:9). I can counter that with "there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” (Matthew 19:12).

Tell me I have needs, and I will tell you my need is the Lord's will.

As it is, I have my own reasons for believing I may never marry again. I will not discuss them here, or anywhere. Some of us have a millstone around our neck. Some of us reap what we have sown, to our hearts discontent. If I am wrong about this, then I invite the Lord, alone, to prove me wrong. In fact, I welcome such a gracious intrusion. If I am so graced with a spouse I want to know I did not plan it, but it was the Lord. Such things are the only real blessing to me. I want nothing of my doing (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

But I have not lost purpose, because my purpose, our purpose, is not for things of this world. We are meant to be pursuing the things of Christ, one of which is to seek and to save the lost. A wife did not die on the cross for me.

Last time I checked the Gospels it was Jesus who desired a betrothal with me. Anything less is of this world.

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