Politics

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Lately I am feeling a pang of empathy for the Democrats. When President Obama uttered his inspiring campaign war-cry “Change we can believe in!” I am pretty sure he did not mean the types of changes that have taken place over the last few months.

For starters, when Senator Ted Kennedy’s spot was filled by a Republican, the entire Democratic party closeted themselves in mourning for indefinite periods of time. This fact was not largely reported as the reporters were unable to retrieve many of them from the closets. I suspect, though, that much tearful and angry discourse took place in there. Probably with words that were not for public consumption.

Next, their beloved Prius, that paragon of ecological virtue, was found to be flawed. Thousands of midget-sized liberals suddenly found themselves without transportation. When discussing this unfortunate turn of events, (which was quietly acknowledged as being orchestrated by conservative interests that endorse driving large, gas-guzzling, fast vehicles) they solemnly consoled one another. While their eco-friendly vehicle was being repaired, they dusted off their bicycles in an effort to minimize the disastrous effect driving a non-hybrid would bring to the environment, and cycled to work. Which has been kind of difficult the past few weeks, because of all the snow.

The snow - which has reached epic proportions the last few months all over the country, but especially in Washington, DC - refuses to leave, and in fact has persisted stubbornly all along the east coast in direct non-compliance with the global warming theory, which is a Democratic absolute. In order to become a Democrat, I am told they must place their hands on their hearts and say “I believe in global warming” three times, and promise to at least CONSIDER buying a Prius within the next 18 months.

“Climate-gate” is a rapidly developing can of worms, and according to all the articles I have read has to do with the original global warming statistics being rendered, if not moot, at least, inconclusive by the scientific community. Data has surfaced that had not been included in original reports which dramatically restructures the results of the study, and in actuality, refutes the gradual warming of the earth. Republicans have been spotted dancing on the snowdrifts in Washington, DC and Baltimore. This has been somewhat unsettling to my Democratic friends.

Stunned and unconvinced Democrats believe the record-breaking onslaught of snow is simply a coincidence.

For instance, Dr. Romm of the Center for American Progress had this to say: “Cold weather does not cause snow.” He feels the abundance of snow may, in fact, be proof that America is slowly warming. I found this logic questionable. Perhaps Dr. Romm should reconsider his statement.

Bill Nye, the Science Guy - who has his very own TV show - said that to not believe in global warming is to be unpatriotic. I believe this is off the point a smidgen, and that he should give this more thought. I am pretty sure I can be a patriot and still believe in whatever I want. I think the poor Democrats have had so many setbacks lately, it is affecting their sound bites.

I understand that this is a huge deal to all those people that have “green” slogans on their T-shirts and bumpers. If global warming is found to be a normal climate variance instead of a worldwide emergency, they would be forced to buy new T-shirts, and find new bumper stickers; and PBS would have to scrap all those federally-funded documentaries. Good thing “Change we can believe in” is a relatively generic slogan which may be typified, if necessary, as bi-partisan.

I am concerned for the emotional health of the Democratic party, who seem to be sniping at each other and running off into closets to talk about things behind closed doors which result in added pages to the mysterious healthcare bill. Al Gore resurfaced momentarily to recite his recently-penned, deeply touching eco-poem on CBS Morning News about drowning continents and Neptune’s bones dissolving, but when the blizzards brought the east coast to a standstill, for some reason, he disappeared again. Al, where are you?

I think the Democrats need a group hug. And maybe a teabag.

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