Women

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Today I am contemplating friendship. Its definition, seasons, pitfalls and pleasures. You see, I have just lost my best friend.

We shared eight years of singles’ groups and silly secrets. We lived five minutes apart and went to the same church. A week didn’t go by that we talked on the phone, no particular reason other than the connection, at least three times. She hated my Persian cat, but he loved her nonetheless and attempted to rub up against her whenever she visited my house, in an attempt to make her feel welcome. This chronically irritated her, and she swatted him away. These details come to my mind as I am thinking of her. We enjoyed the same merlot from Napa Valley and the funky wineglasses I’d gotten at Pier One Imports. We talked long into the night, swirling our wine and gazing into the fireplace, of dating woes and the shortage of presentable 50-ish single men. Silence was comfortable with her.

I remember taking a client group to a country western concert in an entertainment arena, where I’d reserved my company’s suite. She was my date, and I hers, when we were between fellas. That night we listened to Brooks and Dunn and Toby Keith and sang at the top of our lungs and my clients and their dates/spouses joined in the hilarity, thereby making the evening a huge success. We even showed the group how to line dance in the suite. This is the stuff of friendship.

Last year I got married, and she was my Woman of Honor –it was a small wedding, and she has been married before but not at that time so I couldn’t very well call her a Matron of Honor, so suffice to say she stood by my side as I exchanged vows with my wonderful, God-given husband. She gave us a party in her condo afterwards, and it was lovely. Then I moved away. She continued in her singleness and I threw myself into a new life.

Last week, she visited us for a few days. The space between us was unfamiliar, the conversation surface-y and stilted. She didn’t like the wine I offered her. She is a night person and I am a morning person. Why didn’t I know this? I arranged a small party in her honor and she seemed uncomfortable being the only single. Her eyes betrayed a pain that I’d not seen before, except the time that a man she loved rejected her. I wonder if she feels rejected by me, by life, because I am married and she is not. This shouldn’t matter, with friends, should it?

I try to talk about it, to open up discussion that is comfortable and warm like it used to be, but she is having none of it. She is silent and brooding and still much of the time, and I think perhaps I never really knew her. But deep inside me, there is a knowing that the season for this friendship is done. Our paths have taken us in different directions, and the distance cannot be bridged by a week together.

I am sad today.

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