Humor

---

Picture Al Gore in a red suit with a pitchfork aiming his fire on various parts of the world; after all, he invented the Internet so why shouldn't he invent global warming? Eventually, the ice will melt, the seas will rise and he will be able to wear his newly acquired Neptune suit. He will still have a pitchfork, but be bare-chested and wear a crown. Yuck, and I mean really yuck; all the mermaids of the ocean will go into hiding and my granddaughter will never know the story of Ariel.

If we were really in danger of global warming or global freezing, do you think that we could actually do anything about it? Of course Al Gore could have a little talk with his mom (Mother Nature), but I hear she is pretty set in her ways and no matter how many costumes her little boy wears, she will not be swayed. Face it, the earth is going to do its thing whether we cooperate or not. There is no way we can get rid of all the plastic and electronic garbage unless we start shipping it to outer space; so if we are believing the recycling lie; we had better be finding another costume for Al, the son of mother nature and inventor of all things new. Putting him in a giant plastic bottle and throwing him out to sea comes to mind, but I am sure mama nature will rescue him and our efforts will fail.

The latest thing (derived from vegetarians) is cow flatulence. We must get rid of all cows because they are sending gases into the air and causing our planet to warm at the speed of light. I think those in India will object to that move and we might find ourselves in another war - called appropriately, War of Cows. I know that there are other animals out there with flatulence besides the lowly cow, you don't see the movement out to destroy ponies, puppies, or kittens - I can tell you that my dog has more flatulence than any cow and I am not going to have him put to sleep to protect the planet. While I am at it, my husband and sons take great pleasure in flatulence wars with each other; I have been tempted to have them put to sleep, but so far that is illegal. However, there may be a clause in Obama's new health-care bill to take care of this, so we'll see.

In the meantime, global warming or global freezing will become a figment of our imagination - much like Al Gore, and we will continue to eat beef and the occasional pot of Bush beans so our men can engage in flatulence contests. And people wonder why some women become alcoholics.

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE