Humor
Humor: Customer Service
Everyone knows there is no such thing, but we are still conditioned to think so and hope beyond hope that someone will be able to help us with our problem. I went into Sears last month to the hardware department to see if I could get a set-screw for a Craftsman saw and was told that they did not do parts, but I could call their 800 number to see where I could ship it off for repair. “Good Lord, it is a set-screw, surely somewhere in this store you sell screws!” I tried to say calmly. I was told through gritted teeth that I would have to call the 800 number and if I did not write the number down, she would call security.
I should have known because of my previous experience with them. One year I bought my husband a battery charger – you know the kind, it is fairly good sized, has a handle and wheels and a big box type thing with buttons and plug-ins and wires – very fancy and expensive. It did not work, but at this time there was still a Sears repair shop in town. I took it over to them, the man looked at it, hemmed and hawed and said, “You can take it back to the store and exchange it for another.” I said, “Wouldn't it be simpler to just repair it?” The answer he gave nearly floored me, he said, “Well these things never work and so we don't repair them.” After being speechless for a few moments, I told him that I would like my money back and was told that I needed to take it back to the store for that – I did. I asked the customer service person why they sold things that did not work and she looked at me blankly and told me I could take it for repair if there was a problem. I was happy to get out of there with my sanity.
Now that customer service is an 800 number for any and all items you purchase, we gladly sit on hold for upwards of 30 minutes each time to get help with whatever is not working. Recently I wanted to change my cell-phone plan. Thirty minutes on hold, finally a talking person that is not a recording comes on and I explain what I want to do – six times. She keeps saying that she doesn't understand what I am trying to do and gets out her manual. All I hear are chewing noises and pages turning, finally she says, “The manual doesn't cover this.” I try explaining that it isn't a technical problem, but that I wanted to change my plan and get more minutes. She keeps reading the manual and saying she can't find anything about it finally she asks the person in the next booth and he tells her that I need to call again and press option 4 instead of option 3 to get help on that. Well, another thirty minutes goes by along with a half-bottle of wine to settle my nerves.
Finally someone comes on the phone, I am elated and start to speak; the person on the other end is a recording and announces, “We are sorry, but the office is closed now, please call back on Monday, we are sorry for any inconvenience and your call is important to us. I finish off the wine and decide I don’t need a new plan; maybe when my contract is up I can change companies which will open up a whole new can of worms.
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