Short Stories

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It was cold as she sat on the bench in that park. Actually, the word cold would be an understatement. The weather was so cold it was piercing, raw and Baltic. Yes, that would better describe the climate on Monday lunchtime just gone noon. She didn’t mind though, it was a refreshing change from being stuck in that clammy little office all morning with very big personalities wearing very bright lipsticks to match. Although she shivered slightly, the blast of bitter winter air was exuberating and exciting. She peeled the plastic as she opened her sandwich and started to munch whilst simultaneously taking in her surroundings. She noticed the other park dwellers comprised of the following; a couple of drunks with jack Russell terrier in toe. They seemed friendly, merry drunks’ not rude dangerous drunks. Secondly, a couple of stressed out looking businessmen smoking cigarettes and inhaling very deeply. Finally, a couple nearby, who at a guess, and this could have been a wrong guess on her part, but this couple were most probably the budding office romance, discussing the repercussions of the Xmas party and the park was the only place they wouldn’t get spotted.

Her attention then diverted from the other characters in the park to herself. She realised that exactly 10 years ago, she had been working in the very same area of the City. She felt a sense of remorse for herself as she recalled exactly what was going on in her life then. She remembered her naivety at that time and how she had been deceiving herself. She was reminded of what exactly her thoughts and mental ponderings were as she used to walk up and down that road, embarrassed at the memory of the ridiculous blind faith she had about major areas of her life and decisions she was just about to make at that time. If only she knew then what she knows now?

If only. Yes, if only I knew then what I know now! she thought, and then some of that horrid stuff wouldn’t have happened. She berated herself at the thought of what she considered many wasted years seeking beauty in things that were never what they seemed to be. In particular, focusing on one specific decision she made in total blind ignorance. Or did she just choose the option ‘total blind ignorance’ if total blind ignorance was a choice in the game of life. If only she knew then what she knows now? Good idea for a website though, If only I knew then what I know now.com, ‘the online hang out for people who’ve made major mistakes in life but are still here to tell the tale!’ She tittered at herself for finding amusement in those dark memories. Anyway, had she really moved on? On the outside, she could only recall in that moment all the things that she had lost.

She quickly fumbled for her bible in her bag, as if her life depended on it, in a desperate attempt not to let her mind and emotions go down that sad old miserable torturous road again. ‘Speak to me Lord, speak to me, quickly, speak to me Lord, I need you to speak to me God’ she yelled from her heart. She opened the bible randomly and hungrily read from the first scriptures that came into eyeshot.

‘Remember my affliction and roaming
Thewormwood and the gall.
My soul still remembers
and sinks within me.
This i recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed
Becasue His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion.: says my soul,
Therefore I hope in Him!"

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the sould who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly **

‘Thanks God’, she thought. ‘Thank you a million times over for those words.’ As she focused on the words, ‘Great is Your faithfulness’, she hummed along to the tune of a song she remembered from church and smiled to herself. She read the words again, ‘Great is Your faithfulness’, and declared to herself that no matter where she was, no matter what had happened in the past, no matter what memories resurfaced, good or bad, no matter what thoughts came to her about not having moved on in life, she, at that moment, let out a big almighty sigh and gave all those emotional and mental re-plays to Jesus. At that point, she felt Jesus, there with her. She felt peace. Instead of getting internally carried away with the torrent of negative emotions that tried to flood her being, this time she made a decision.

The choice she made was a choice to trust God in faith and believe His word that good things were coming. No, in fact, let’s get current about this; good things are here now, today! She declared in that moment to choose to believe that God is a faithful God, despite how things seemed in the natural. Here she was 10 years later, but, this time round, there was less chance of being deceived and as long as she kept filtering everything through God and leaning on and trusting in Him, He would direct her path. This time round, she had peace. This time round, she was in the process of learning that the true God, far above everything and everyone, loved her unconditionally. This time round, she was beginning to trust that God had a good plan for her.

She shivered with both fear and excitement at the prospect of trusting again, but this time round, with a knowing, she knew she wouldn’t be disappointed. This time round, no matter what, she had Jesus.

**Lamentations 3: 19-26

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