Christian Living

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Dear God

Nowadays I have this strong desire to see you, I mean with my eyes. I would love to sit with you and have both of talk because I've got a lot of things on my mind.

I would like to know what you mean by certain things and especially I will like to find out if indeed you really care.

I have heard about you from those who claim to be your servants. I have heard of the miracles you did... leg to the legless, sight to the blind etc. But lemme remember, do I actually have a first hand experience? I'll leave that for now.

God, I was brought up to love and serve you 'cos Momsie was Catholic, so I did not really chose you, I grew up 'in' you. That is fair enough, but beyond that, I want to know you now. I went to the seminary with 'zeal and knowledge', I came out with questions and an awareness that I am nothing.

I have been through experiences that have both humbled and humiliated me, yet somehow in my weakness, I have grown stronger (or have I?). I was told you work through my experiences, but God some of them are so bad that I doubt if you can ever dip your hands into such. You see, this is the more reason why I would love to sit with you and talk.

Having seen that nothing much might change, I have stopped complaining about the Church, afterall our leaders too are human. All I want now is you. You see, I had the church and thought I had you, but now I know better. I read my Bible because I had to, but having been away from it for some time, I crave it now because I crave you. The other day I told Margaret that I pray in my own little way and I know she was surprised. She probably thought I had gone back, hold on God... do you think I have gone back from you? My prayers now are brief, but you know I mean them. The cries for help are actually genuine ones.

God, I sometimes wonder if you had gone to sleep you know, there seem to be these 2 facedness to the way you operate, one minute you move the world in a show of power, the next, you go into hiding and give guys like Dawkins the chance to question your existence. Why do you do that? Don't you know it affects me a lot? I need you to always be active, to stop me from experiencing bad things, to physically refrain me from sin and emmm, doubt ... to be my father.

I hope you will not say I am rude to you please, but allow me to just bare my mind. Hey God, do my experiences make me stronger or would they make me go to hell? Am I holy enough, have I backslided, should I have come to England? Can I peep into the book of life to check for my name? God, are you my buddy or just a father who is just that... a father?

Well God, I've got to go. I can't stop going to Church because all my life I have been in Church- It's become my source of livelihood, I get my links and leads for Job from Church- so I will keep going. but one thing I will try not to do is pretend (though I seriously doubt that, to be honest). They said my best is not good enough for you (how can I love such a God?). Well, sorry if I have hurt you with these words.

But God, please be there more, I need you more now, and If you can't lemme know. Be sure of this God that I will search for you, please let me find you. I remember when I was younger, the dreams I used to have about you, seeing you talk to me about momsie and the other times I thought I saw you... God those were sweet days, I want them back.

Cuddle me dear God like a lover would hold me near her breasts, I need to feel your breath. You are too distant... or is it me? I understand you'd come and find me, please do Lord. This is between you and I... I really want you to be a nice guy who I can talk to, so God what would you do? Would you be there?

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