Faith

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I didn't stumble upon Christianity by accident. Christianity is as much a part of my background as Mack n' Cheese. I have very distinct memories about my early childhood and religion. I can remember the little Evangelical church we went to when I was about eight or nine. It housed no more than about 50 members every Sunday. My mom was the treasurer and on the church board. I remember sitting in the pews, eating the cherry flavoured Certs that my mom always had with her, and I would munch on them to help pass the time until Sunday School.

I can still picture the church in my mind. Through the front door, and to the left I would walk the stairs to the main congregation. There were two rows of pews facing the next to bare stage with a single podium in front of a large wooden cross. To the right of the stage was the piano in front of the baptismal tank. I remember sitting at that piano playing in front of the whole church for a talent show. While someone in the dunk tank was playing with puppets. Yes, our Wrinkles Dogs from way back when, singing "How much is that doggie in the window". I remember also, standing on the stage with a garland halo on performing the Nativity story with my other Sunday School classmates at the Christmas concert. It was once a happy and fruitful childhood.


I stumbled out of Christianity not by accident either. After my parent's divorce when I was eleven, I went to live with my dad because my mom left for another man and went off with him to the Yukon. I don't remember much of that time, and I don't believe we went to church in that town again. It was far too painful.

A few years had past, and I found myself getting more and more turned on to things other than God. I was experimenting more with things that were more occult based than Christian based. Some friends and I tried witchcraft in grade eight after watching the movie "The Craft". I felt at that time I could control things myself, and not have to rely on a God to help me through. I became rebellious, and changed drastically. I became convinced that my house was haunted by a ghost, and even witnessed a friend become possessed by a demon.

All these memories have been coming back to me, even after years of them being bottled up and stored with no second thought to them in years.

I believe that this is happening now because of how much I've changed and how much more I want to live my life for God. I am getting baptized next month at the church I've been attending for a few weeks. It is one of the last things I am doing to turn my life over to Him.

I found a scripture today that really hit me hard. I was struggling today with patience with my children. I was broken down and in tears for close to two hours because they weren't listening to me. I felt useless and emotionally spent. I kept thinking to myself that I wasn't a good mother because my children were terrorizing everything. After I read the scripture, I started feeling better, as usually happens after reading the Word.

Psalm 143:3-6
"For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate. I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands. I stretch forth my hands unto thee; my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land."

I felt really bogged down by despair and anger. I just wanted to run away and hide. I’ve also been feeling really weak. A headache has plagued me for two days, but with no explanation. I started just reading the Word today, and there is where I found hope. Jesus has been turning me around since I decided to rededicate my life to him. I see it everyday. But I needed to draw out my past blunders and renounce them, which is why I believe I am recalling so many of the memories that I once thought I had forgotten.

I am becoming a woman of Christ, but I still have a long way to go. He speaks to me every day, and everyday things get a little clearer. So much happens when you put your full trust in God. It’s funny how things that once were trivial, turn into something that can be used to mould and bring change. I am not overly educated in the Bible, but I learn more and more. I am on the right path, I know. But where I am going, only God knows.

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