Encouragement

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DIVINE ROMANCE

At times I feel, I’m being romanced by someone divine. This cosmic personality for some unknown reason wants to reveal itself to me. I see its beauty in the fall colors and sense it’s majesty as I stand on the shore and look out over the ocean. The voice seems friendly but all too faint for me to understand what its saying. The warmth of the sun tells me that only someone good could have created something like this. The stars, as they brighten up the night, let me know that even in the midst of darkness there is someone kind who’s watching.

Who is this one who could create such beauty? One with so much power, yet so much tenderness must be lovely. Who could create the most fragile butterfly and then turn around and create something as outrageous as a whale? From the depths of the ocean to the starlet sky, I sense a voice saying, “I not only exist, but I designed this all for you, so you could in some slight way comprehend how wonderful I am.”

But why should I even care who this entity is. What good does it do me to know someone exists somewhere, if they don’t help me? Why should I even care? When I have screamed in agony and there’s silence, what’s the point? This divine presence may be wonderful, but deep inside me, I feel like I’m dying, like I’m suffocating in my own skin and I’ve been abandoned. I wonder at times how can someone with so much compassion and power hear my cries and leave my struggling with issues that overwhelm me.

Yet some how, I’m beginning to sense that this someone is truly good, and as funny as this may sound, that it does loves me. What a relief it would be to find someone who is absolutely trustworthy and who would never harm me. God knows I do enough harm all by my self.

The other day as I walked by a church I saw this lonely figure of a man hanging on a cross. He looked like I feel most of the time, yet the words written below touched me deeply. “God loves you.” I recall the story but I don’t understand the love. I remember the sacrifice but never related it to me. Could it possibly be that someone so beautiful could love someone so ugly? Could someone so perfect see past these imperfections? Looking at my self the answer screams no, but looking at this figure on the cross the only possible conclusion is yes!

For the first time in my life, I’m beginning to think that every thing will work out and I don’t understand why. Could it really be true that someone bigger than I is actually guiding my steps and orchestrating my life? Could one so lovely be attracted to me?

I’ve never been very good at trusting, but maybe, just maybe I’ve found someone or have been found by someone who’s trustworthy enough to allow me to be vulnerable. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to relax and let go of my fear.

The walls I’ve built around my heart are tall and thick. But in hope, I have placed a tiny gate in the center, just in case I found a reason to open it. Though the hinges are a little rusty from lack of use, I think that maybe today I’ll lift the latch and see what happens!

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