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Moving Pictures
by Kim Sandstrom 
08/18/06
Not For Sale
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You softly walked away from us,
Quietly,
Gracefully,
And made a new home in heaven,
And
a few days after,
I went to the hospital
to hold the babe,
your babe,
all 2 pounds 13 ounces of her.
The nurses let me hold your baby girl,
wreathed in wires and tubes
the color of birthday balloons.
We wrapped her in bunting
and wrapped her again,

Taped to her bassinette were two pictures
placed so your little girl
could,
if she were able,
see them.
One picture was of you holding her,
(the only one
ever taken)
And the other was
old,
dry,
a Polaroid
taken many years earlier.
It was of
me holding you,
sitting by your bassinette,
in a rocker.
I was round and proud and smiling
though...
I was not nearly as beautiful
a mother as you.

And on this night,

a few days after

you went to stay with God,

I sat by the bassinette,
in the hospital nursery,
in a rocker,
and I was holding Julia.
(Pictures of this were yet to be.)

As happened every night I held your baby,
sorrow
poured.
I held your baby so close that her bunting grew damp.
I did nothing to stop the tears.
Just the baby and I
sitting in the rocker
quietly breathing together,
her head to my breast.

I asked the nurses to wipe
my face
and neck
I was so wet from weeping.

Clear down to my collarbone
they wiped my tears
where little lakes of grief washed
my bones.

One night,
Just days after you softly
walked
to heaven,
I leaned back in the rocking chair.
Our nurse had left it by the bassinette,
waiting for me every day.
The nursery buzzed and hummed
with life-giving machinery.
There were round new mothers
Smiling
proud as mama peacocks
rocking their peanut babies,
and there was me
small,
not round
not smiling,
Weeping, weeping, weeping.

I began to sing

"Jesus Loves Me"...

...more to myself

than to the baby...

And as I lay my head against the back of the chair,
and closed my eyes to think of you,

I felt arms encircle my neck.
Someone
was
behind
the rocking chair.
So warm
So light
So gentle...
such love in the embrace!
I let my head fall deeply into her arms.
Such acceptance!
And what was it I felt?
Her pride in me?
The thought came to me
"My daughter,
you are here."
That moment lasted forever in a second.
I was as close to peace as I have ever been since you
climbed that path to God.
Just your babe and I in the rocking chair,
and you behind us,
embracing us.
And in the center of the aftermath,
there was
for
One
Moment
in one second...
an eternity of peace.
I took a picture...
and
you can view it in my heart.




If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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