Christian Living
It’s a matter of coarse
By Chaplain Dan Langerock
People go through many things in their lives: divorce, illnesses, problem pregnancies, fractured relationships, etc. When you are having problems, the last thing you want to hear is a comment that hurts perhaps for many years to come. Yet, this happens everyday, because people don’t think about the consequences of what they are saying. Let’s explore some of the areas and comments people make to each other so we can learn to think first and speak later.
Illness You are going through an episode of cancer or some other illness, and hoping for some comfort from friends and relatives. People believe they must say something when they don’t know what to say, and that is when they get into trouble. One woman was going through cervical cancer as a young woman when her mother said to her, “You weren’t sure you wanted to have children anyway.”
Childbirth Can you imagine the pain of losing a child by miscarriage? The medical problems associated with this outcome are horrendous, then someone says, “You have other children at home so you should be satisfied with them.” The same attitude seems to prevail when a woman has a stillborn child. Think of all the preparations emotionally and otherwise that happen during a normal pregnancy. Then something happens and you are told your child is dead.
Weight This is a common occurrence with people commenting on how much weight you have gained or something is wrong because you don’t weigh enough in their estimation. You know when you are over-or-underweight, there is no need for people to remind you. Besides, it is none of your business what someone weighs in either direction. If you are purporting to be their friend and make these kinds of comments, you are not much of one. Some people are built heavier than others, and some are more slender by nature. You have no right to pass judgement on anyone in this regard.
Personal and Children Who would have the audacity to come up to someone and criticize their hair color, makeup, or other personal things? How about the shape of their nose? This is none of anyone’s business.
One lady was tending her child in the nursery at church, when someone came up and told her, “Your child is sure ugly”. Do you want someone to come up to you and say that? I doubt it! Think about the effects of what you are saying after you cogitate on whether it is your business in the first place. By the time you get to the second question, you will be hopefully too late to say anything at all.
Death This is one situation when people let their mouths run wild. A lady’s husband had been injured during an accident in Vietnam and consequently had to be in a rest home for a large part of his life. When he died someone said, “It would have been better if he had died in the accident in Vietnam than to go through all this. At least he doesn’t have to be in a rest home anymore.”
Think of the hurt this comment caused. A person is grieving already, then someone makes a callous comment like this. Wow!
Don’t let your mouth run away with the show. Just being silent is the best choice rather than make such idiotic comments. The Bible warns us in James and other places about the power of the tongue, and how many fires a few words can spark. I hope you will be careful what you say in the future. Think about the feelings of the person you are talking to. Imagine yourself in their shoes hearing what you were about to say to them. If you have a compassionate heart, then you will be more likely to think before you speak.
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