Christian Living
One of the greatest tests of faith in my Christian walk has been having five children.
Now I’m not talking about the experience of actually raising them. And even though I had to deliver each and every one of them by Cesarean, I’m not even talking about the experience of going through nine months of pregnancy five times, all within a short seven-year span.
I’m talking about the covenant I made early in my walk with God where, after a five-year bout with infertility, I finally told Him that if He would grant me the blessing of just one child, He could bring whomever he wanted into the world through me, and I would never do anything to hinder or prevent any subsequent pregnancies. I was, essentially, giving Him full control of my womb.
Having so many children has certainly come with a number of challenges to my own physical and emotional well-being. Although our finances dictate that I have to maintain my full-time, night shift job outside the home, my husband and I made the commitment several years ago to homeschool all five children. The teach-all-day-and-work-all-night lifestyle has definitely left me wondering on many days if I even remembered to eat lunch.
Having a large family has caused us to field more inappropriate questions or remarks by otherwise well-meaning people than we care to remember. “Are you going to have any more?” is one of my favorites, followed by “Are they ALL yours??”
“No, I actually found a couple wandering around the neighborhood, and I thought I’d just take them in,” has become my jovially sarcastic response to the second question. But when it comes to answering the first question about whether we will have any more children, the amount of peace that exists in my heart is truly remarkable when I say, “I don’t know … God is in control of that.”
It’s also remarkable that I can’t seem to apply that same kind of rock-solid faith towards so many other aspects of my life.
Whenever I find myself worrying about whether there will be enough money to last until the next payday or whether our eight year old car will hold up until we can afford to buy a new one, the Holy Spirit always quietly directs me to Matthew 6:28-34, where Jesus reminds us: “do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things … therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.”
Several years ago, when I briefly worked a day shift schedule, I left the office at 5:00 with everyone else and boarded a bus for home. It was a strange thought that suddenly occurred to me, as the bus entered rush hour traffic on the interstate, how I had blindly put my faith in the driver of that bus, a man whom I didn’t even know. I trusted in the likelihood that he hadn’t been hanging out in a local bar before starting his shift, downing shots of vodka before getting behind the wheel of the massive vehicle and putting the fate of so many lives in his own hands. I trusted that he wasn’t a madman who would suddenly steer the bus in the direction of oncoming traffic, or with one sharp turn of the wheel would crash it through the guardrail and plunge us all to our deaths in the embankment beneath the highway. I had gotten onto the bus, and without thinking had automatically placed trust in a stranger to get me to my destination: home. How is it that I could have such blind faith in a mere mortal, and yet struggle every day with trusting in the God who has clearly promised me that He would take care of absolutely everything?
Are there areas of weak faith in your life? Are you struggling with worry? Let us all remember the words in Hebrews 11:1 and 11:6: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen … without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that he is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”
©2003 Melane Bower
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Very powerful article, Melanie. Your testimony lends further power to your words. May God continue to work in such a mighty way through you.
I am the father of seven...good article and reminder! - Jay Cookingham
Thought-provoking article, Melane. (You do all the above and write too?!)
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