Every now and then I stumble upon a place where I am seeking for answers to questions unknown. I wonder if this is something that happens to every child of God at some time or another, is it just my own mind magnifying every aspect of my life, does it even matter? I come to a point where I feel so out of place in everything I do. Nothing in my little world fits like it did before, relationships change, people go and people come, my perception is altered once again. The same mistakes I made in the past effect me more than they used to. No matter how many times I come to this place, I am completely unaware of the familiar scenery when I arrive. Just as a mother forgets the pain of childbirth, so have I forgotten the way of His restoration. I've forgotten what it is to be on the Potter's Wheel. I forget that instead of letting me be broken by circumstances in the worst possible moment and the worst possible way; He would much rather pull me aside to Himself, and leaving my dignity intact, break me Himself, only to make me stronger when He's through. And during these times, the pressing weight that I feel is His steady hand at work; the pain of being broken is merely for a moment and my good. Most of all I've forgotten that at the time I can't seem to hear my Father's voice any longer... what I am hearing is the sound of attentiveness and precision; His undivided attention to His daughter. Restoration is a messy, painful, yet an incredibly beautiful process. And that, I can embrace.
Oh Father, I thank You for loving me so much that You would bring me back to this place again and again. I thank You for Your Hand upon my life so much so that I can feel You working all things out for my good and Your glory. Father I ask that You would open my blinded eyes so that I might see more of what You are doing and understand it's worth. And I ask, no matter how much I complain or protest, that You would never cease to bring me to this place of healing. Father, when I feel that everything is beyond control, please remind me that I am held in the hollow of Your mighty hand. In this moment, Your unfailing strength is perfected in my weakness. Oh God, more than ever I need You to be that strength; my strength. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.