Christian Living
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THE WOUNDS OF REJECTION:
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The definition of rejection means, “to refuse to accept, to believe, to discard as defective or useless, to refuse to consider.”
If your husband or wife said to you, “I want you to leave me alone, (which is to say, I don’t want you). You’re of no value to me. I don’t want you near me. I don’t consider you to be a person of worth. I don’t believe in you as a person,” you would experience the feeling of sharp knives being jabbed and twisted in your soul. Proverbs 18:8 says, “The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the inner most parts of the belly.” Also in Proverbs 18:21 it says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
We have the power in our tongues to speak words of life and blessing (Deut.30:19) to our mates that encourages, edifies and comforts them. Or, we can speak words of death and cursing to them that serve as, not only word curses, but as wounds that are experienced in the very soul. A person who cries out, “I hurt. I hurt so bad” after hearing such knife-like words from a spouse, they’re relating what they are actually experiencing in the ’inner most parts of their belly (soul). The pain is real.
To hear such knife-like words from your spouse, be it the husband or wife, or both, the words are meant to wound you and be very painful. Hurting people hurt other hurting people. To receive this kind of rejection from your mate can be devastating and the first thing you want to do without even realizing it is to put up a wall of protection around you. And the thicker the wall, the better because whatever it takes, you want to avoid any more of this kind of pain.
We find it impossible to accept this kind of rejection from a husband or wife whom we love and who are supposed to love us and care for us. And when you’re betrayed by that husband or wife you trusted to love and care for you, your emotions suffer with the horrible pain of rejection. Your soul has become wounded.
Instead of that old line that marriage is give and take, which has just enough truth in it to be deceiving, we need to know and follow what the Bible tells us is correct. The Biblical principal for marriage is giving and receiving. Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it shall be given unto you, good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give unto your bosom. For with the same measure you mete (use) withal it shall be measured to you again.”
This Scripture has more than one application and it certainly applies to the giving of life-filled words to either your spouse or to other people. Word’s are a seed and instead of sowing death-filled words, speak life and blessing to your mates and other loved one‘s. Let your words be “grace to the hearer.” It’s important to be speaking the right words that are filled with life and blessing to our spouses and others because whatever we give to someone else, its going to come back to you in like kind.
If you’re sowing seeds of bitterness, failure, anger, retaliation and unforgiveness, you can count on what you’re going to receive, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will men (your spouse, or others) give back to you. Gal.6:7 says, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.”
According to the Word of God here, you and your spouse could be reaping a harvest today in your marriage relationship from good or bad seed you sowed yesterday. Seed that you sow today doesn’t come up over night. It’s a process of time before you see the harvest. You don’t sow flower seed today in your garden then go out the next day and expect a bed of flowers in full bloom. It is a fixed law of God, both naturally and spiritually that whatever you sow, good or bad, you will reap a harvest from it.
If you and your spouse have spent much time sowing seeds of bitterness, anger and unforgiveness, ect. but you’ve reconciled with God and each other; you still have a crop of bad seed you’ve both sown. You can begin today digging up those bad seed in the name of Jesus through repentance, forgiveness and renouncing those things. You can take authority over any assignment of the enemy attached to them and in Jesus name, cancel them by calling forth crop failure in those old fields.
Once you do this, begin replanting with the good seed of God’s word for the future of your marriage, your children, your ministry, your business, and every area that pertains to your life. In the name of Jesus, make prophetic declarations, proclamations and decrees based on God’s Word for a blessed harvest of love, peace, joy and prosperity.
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ROOTS OF REJECTION:
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A majority of people who suffer with problems of rejection were raised by parents who had known rejection themselves by their own parents. What begins as a seed early on can often times grow into a ‘root’ which of course has off-shoots. The root of rejection will also include fear and shame, as well as gathering to itself, anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. All of these unlovely off-shoots are parts of that isolating wall we build around ourselves for protection against emotional pain.
In order to be free yourself, at some point as the Holy Spirit leads, you will have to choose to forgive the parents who rejected you as a child. Somebody says, “But I don’t ‘feel’ like it.” Thank God, His grace and forgiveness toward us is not based on His feelings but rather on the covenant of His Word. Our forgiveness of other’s is not based on our feelings. Our decision to forgive is based on the truth of God’s Word, that if we do not forgive others, our heavenly Father will not forgive us either (Mark 11:25-26). It is also based on our will and an act of faith.
We choose to forgive others as obedient children of God and because it is an act of faith and unselfish love (Gal.5:6, ‘faith works by love‘). It is to follow our Lord’s example of forgiving grace to usward by which we give outward. Makes no difference whether the person who wronged you deserves to be forgiven or not. We choose to loose those people we’ve held in the grip of unforgiveness and as we do, we are loosed and set free also. John 20:23, “Whosoever sins you remit (forgive), they are remitted (forgiven) unto them: and whosoever sins you retain (hold on to offenses, unforgive), they are retained (unforgiven).”
While it’s true that some people grew up in Christian homes and received the loving acceptance of both their parents. On the other side of the token, there are people who did not receive the loving acceptance of both their parents. These received rejection for reasons of ignorance (lack of information in parenting), or because of inconvience, or the fear of responsibility and being a parent plus many other reasons too numerous to mention. The majority of parents, no doubt, raised their children the best they could with what knowledge they had to work with. Today, it’s a lot different because we have so much available information on parenting from Christian groups who’s focus is on raising a close and productive family for the Kingdom of God.
You have to understand that before much of this information became available, many parents were still trying to cope with their own rejections. In their own way, they were trying to get healed but in a lot of cases, they didn’t know how. Every person wants to be healed emotionally as well as physically because emotional ill-health or emotional good health can affect your body eoither negatively or positively. People try to find this pathway to health for spirit, soul and body through many different things such as alcohol, drugs, work and food. Unfortunately, these different things are what is known as putting a “band-aid” on it.
You can’t put a band-aid, which is a quick-fix, over a gaping wound and expect that to do the job of healing. It just won’t work for very long. For the wounds talked about here to receive lasting healing, it takes the love of Jesus in personal relationship with Him through the new birth. The life is in the blood and it takes the blood of Jesus to flow into your wounds and cleanse them of the rejection, the bitterness, the pain, the anger and bring about your healing through the loving act of forgiveness. Then, you need to saturate your mind, renew your mind to the Word of God (Roms.12:2) and do what it says (James 1:22) so that the enemy can’t tempt you so easily to go back to those ‘somebody done me wrong’ thoughts of the person who wounded you through rejection.
Sadly enough, many people who have known childhood rejection from their parents, people who didn’t receive the ‘blessing,’ they are trying to have marriage relationships with spouses who have known the same rejection. Each one is looking to the other one to be the “fix” that will bring healing to their wounds. The truth is, neither you, the husband or you, the wife has the power to reach inside the heart of your spouse, or your child and give them what they’re silently crying out for. Only Jesus, the Healer can touch and heal the broken heart of a person.
As husbands and wives, we can be a help to our spouses or others through the power of the Holy Spirit in a lot of ways, but Jesus, is the Healer. He’s the One Who comes to heal that which is broken and make it brand new in Him. Jesus was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our pain of rejection so you and I wouldn’t have to carry this kind of pain that we were never meant to carry (Isaiah 53:5). Jesus said, “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt.11:28). He is our only place of rest from the cares and the blows of life. Without hesitation, we can go to Him and receive the healing and wholeness Jesus bought for us on the cross so we can be in peaceful relationship with Him and so we can be in peaceful relationship with our husbands and wives (Heb.4:15-16).
We can be set free, “for whom the Son sets free is free indeed” (John 8:36), and we can be without walls that keeps our mates and others out of the intimate spaces of our lives. We’re set free to both give and receive love, from God, and back to God. To our mates and back from our mates. To other people and back from other people. And if they don’t show love in return, we’re to give love to them just the same. Jesus has given each one of us unconditional love over the course of our lives that we have never returned back to Him but yet, He has just kept right on loving us anyway. Can we do any less if we dare to call ourselves Christ-ians who are a part of the body of Christ and who profess to love the brethren? I think not.
I want to say this again, self-made protective walls will keep you seperated from your mate and from all other people, especially those closest to you. Those walls will keep you from the very thing you need the most. Love, acceptance and understanding. Thank God that we’re already “accepted in the beloved Jesus”(Eph.1:6) and we don’t have to cry and beg God to affirm or accept us. He accepts us and He has affirmed us through the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It’s all through the blood of Jesus. Hallelujah! I’m so thankfuol for the blood of Jesus. What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the precious blood of Jesus. Praise God! (to be continued)
Plain As Day Ministries
Shirley Williams
2-11-03
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