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I sat down to do my bible study today and honestly felt pressured to do it. I felt bad because I had not read my study for a few days and my brain was fluctuating from one thought to the other. Rarely, did I devote some time to my heavenly father. But I had a hard time sitting down and doing it. I was upset that I was spiritually feeling depleted, that my plans appeared messy, and that I felt confused. So is the result of a controller and perfectionist.
I am a controlling person. Not necessarily with others as I am with my thoughts and my actions. Everything needs to be the way I envisioned it. Perhaps you are an artist of some kind. You know that feeling when you are coming up to the end of your project and your masterpiece does not look like the masterpiece you envisioned earlier? A feeling of discouragement, dissatisfaction, and frustration takes over. We do the same with life. I envision how my college plans will go, how my future marriage will go, how my work will go, how my next hour in life will go, and how my devotional and study time with God will go! I have high, high, high expectations for my day. I sometimes plan writing an article, working on a screenplay, going to work, doing college, working on finances, and watching a movie all in one day. Tell me I am being to harsh! We do it all though in some way or another. My good day or life is filled with accomplishments and productive work. Rarely do I meet such expectations though.
God gave me the picture of a game controller and its likeness to the perfectionist’s lifestyle. You ever sat down and played a game like Call of Duty or LEGO? There is a somewhat psychological pleasantry to controlling and customizing and doing whatever you want with your perfectly envisioned character on the screen. Its an immersive world where you control the outcome most of the time. I get to pick the guns, the armory, the facial features of my character, the map, the server, the power-ups, game cards, etc. I even remember playing the greatest roleplaying game of all, World of Warcraft. Why is it the most addicting game of all? Because the game allows a total control and in depth roleplaying experience of your intricate customized character. It’s really like life in a fantasy world, where you control what you do, what you look like, and what you have. People want that, but that’s not what we get.
We want to chalk life up to a video game where we easily control our lives by the click of buttons on a game controller. The good news is that life is more than that. It is a story, not written by us, but by God. I am the first person to say that I fight with God everyday in my expectations for life and the plans I make to bring my vision to life, but my vision is poor. My vision is a controlled video game vision (a non-reality virtual world). God’s vision and story is the real deal. I mean, He is the creator of reality.
Maybe you see a theme here. The theme of mystery in life. The unknown, it scares people, because it entails faith, faith in something. Don’t put faith in your expectations, put it in God who is infinitely wise, who knows what He is doing. He did create us in the first place. And I say this to me as well! I write this, knowing a few minutes ago I was panicking about the realization once again that I can’t control everything. I was looking for my game controller, but then I realized, I don’t have one. And life is no game, not to God. It’s something much bigger and much better if we let him have control of our lives. The question is, will you trust Him? In case you are wondering what happens when you put your faith in Jesus Christ, God’s son, look up these verses… (John 3:16, Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28-32).
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