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A Broken Heart and a life of purpose
by leslie manda
Not For Sale


The memories flashed before my open eyes as my husband’s voice was raised and his finger pointed at me. It was June 2006, ‘it was my fault’ I muttered to myself. Had I just been punctual, any one would have been upset for waiting for three hours with no reason for the delay. ‘I will do it better and try harder. Why am I such a failure?’ I continued to converse in my head. He gestured continually and I could hear his voice but not make out the words that he was saying. My heart which I had given to him he smashed to tinier pieces with each word he said. How am I going to be able to put the pieces together? ‘Please stop, realise my hurt, I did not mean to hurt you in anyway. That was not my intention.’ Where is the man I fell in love with, that calm collected man whom had few words full of wisdom.
I was the first born in a family of four children, the only child between my mother and father. My parents never married but deep down as I grew up I longed for them to be together. I grew up for nine years as the only child and my mother had me when she was quite young so my grandmother raised me when she went off to college to make a life that would allow her to take care of me. My first encounter with love was from my grandmother she loved me in a way I can hardly describe in words, unconditional and unquantified with money. I still find a space in my heart where that love resides and hearing her voice gives me immeasurable joy – I love my grandmother.
Nothing in my life prepared me for the roller-coaster marriage I found myself in. The Lord’s word says I know the plans that I have for you, plans of a future full of good. It’s been eight years, almost three thousand days and I can hardly recall a day where there was pure peace and love. There were there but so much is there to carry and the burden is heavy in my soul and my heart struggles to beat on at the weight. How do I move on?
Sometimes in life when faced with situations that seem monumental before us we should stop and ask God for His divine intervention. The Lord God in Isaiah 55v8-9 puts it simply; “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’ Like the woman in this snippet of a story she was faced with a situation that all her life experiences had not prepared her for but the only hope she had was God and she had to seek Him.
As one reads the woman’s story of her life before she met her husband the author clearly pin points that the woman had a problem with unforgiveness that she had from a young age and she had yearned for the day she would find her husband in whom she would find solace. As life threw its undeserving curve balls at her; her longed for husband turned verbally abusive and physically abusive early on in the relationship and her unforgiveness grew into bitterness and anger even after he stopped and sought restoration she felt perpetually wronged by him for his past actions. Jeremiah 29v11 states; "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." This verse was a silent word from the Lord to the woman that the Lord had an expected end for her but there were battles within herself that she had to conquer and no matter how much her husband changed she had to also change and be healed from her unforgiveness.
How does one live with someone whom they cannot forgive. As a child of God firstly we are given the Spirit of God that ministers to us and the Lord proclaimed that He will give us the peace that surpasses understanding. Therefore it is not through our own might that we forgive but through the love of the Lord that abounds in our hearts that we forgive the sinner or offender so plainly put in Colossians 3:13 ‘Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye’.
God’s love holds no record of sin and if we can go to the Lord with our sin and expect Him to forgive us and not keep a record of our sins then why is it hard/difficult for us to forgive others. The problem is not with God’s power of forgiveness but our attitudes and surrender to God. God clearly says ‘vengeance is mine’ and Jesus even in His magnificence and power did not take the situation that He faced (crucifixion) as a chance to exercise His version of justice but carried out the perfect will of God. So with the example that Jesus gave to us we should learn to forgive one another and bear no record of each other’s’ sins. For forgiveness should say to the offender I will treat you as though you have not wronged me and I bear no record of the past.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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