Deep inside of me
by Anita Bharanidharan
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As I look back at my life, till this moment, I can say this with all my heart, “Blessed be the Lord who daily loadeth us with benefits. Psa 68:19” I had everything that an average human being would desire, a good family, a good education, a decent lifestyle and a husband any young woman would only dream about. Most people find romantic love but to be married to a man whose love and devotion for the Lord and me knew no end, was my biggest blessing from God.
While I was riding on the waves of marital bliss, I started developing a lot of abdominal pain especially during my monthly cycles. Six months into our marriage my husband decided he would take me to a gynecologist. I was recommended a scan in the month of February. The scan revealed I had a fibroid very close to the neck of my right ovary. The fibroid was growing and could block of the eggs from my right ovary. This could complicate my chances of conceiving and delivering like any normal woman.
My husband was very silent on the way back home. As I opened the door to our home I just stood there and asked my husband what he saw in that room. He said he saw God’s blessings. We had bought ourselves that comfortable home and it was only possible because God’s hand was in every brick of that house. I told him that He who has promised is faithful. We claimed the blessing of Psalm 128 “… Thy wife shall be as the fruitful vine… Thy children shall be like the olive branches round about thy table…”that was bestowed on us the day we were married. We held hands and we prayed.
The next day my husband was his usual radiant self. He kissed me and set off to work. I sat to pray and felt a fresh wave of pain. All the confidence I had the previous night was slowly melting away with my tears. My mind tried to tell me that I was the only one among my peers who hadn’t conceived yet. My heart told me that I wasn’t really old to be worried. I knew I couldn’t trust either. I needed more than cold logic and warm feelings to console me. I turned to the book of all remedies and opened God’s word. My reading for the day was from I Sam 1. God’s assurance and promise came from the verse “I Sam 1:27 – For this child I prayed and the Lord hath given me.” The undertone of my tears changed. I shed tears of joy and gratitude, for no one could be likened to the Lord. I thanked the Lord for hearing the murmurs of my heart and for filling my life with good things.
Two weeks later in early March I started feeling a terrible fatigue in the mornings and a lack of appetite combined with nausea through the day. I went back to my doctor mid March. She recommended a pregnancy test this time around. My pregnancy result was due from the lab on Good Friday. On Good Friday I was sitting in church with just one question in my heart, “Why have you been so good to me Lord?” I opened the bible to read a portion while I was waiting for service to begin. Pat came the reply from the Lord, as I found myself reading Exodus 19 “If ye will obey My voice…ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto Me above all people. Exo 19:5” I knew the Lord was blessing me to make our family a blessing unto all His people. After service we drove straight to the lab for the results. My heart was already thanking God while my hands were opening the cover with my results. They were positive. I could only think of what Elizabeth filled with the Holy Spirit said to Mary in Luke 1:45 “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.” The Lord had truly done great things in His time.
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