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Topic: Rejoicing (11/22/04)
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TITLE: My YOU By Karen Jimmy 11/26/04 |
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I would lie on my bed on days off or weekends or all the night through, lonely and alone, and dreaming that I wasn’t. I would imagine, like so many others once, twice, three times hurt and broken in love, that someday that perfect someone would join hands with me and we’d start a life together. Then onward my thoughts would wander, hurrying past the first fleeting glances, the wondering “what if’s”…that first accidental, electrifying, brushing past each other. Imagining blissfully, I’d see myself dressed in white, by his side, then moving into a new life with him…and then, hope of all hopes, YOU.
Abandoned at birth myself, my sweetest dreams have always been of kinship, love, family. The sweetest of all was the dream of YOU.
I never thought my dreams would come true. I told myself they wouldn’t- not able to bear the thought of believing and then being disappointed.
When he did come along, and half my daydream/night-dream/yearning came to be, I considered my life blessed and dared not hope for more. But still I found myself gazing at the ceiling, picturing your little face, your big eyes, your sweet spirit…
Then one day, not actually too long after, a test proving positive, it seemed you were actually going to exist. Still my many-times tattered heart was afraid to hope.
But I feel you now! It’s several months, and a few fuzzy TV screen images later. My clothes are not fitting, and I am elated! Not afraid now, I know you are already with us. You are alive! You are no longer a dream, YOU are real!!!!!
When music plays, you dance inside me, and my heart, like it never has before, dances with you! I am rejoicing now in a way I never thought possible…my dream, my child, my YOU!