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Topic: Directions (02/02/04)
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TITLE: Direction Uncertain By Jerry Lane 02/04/04 |
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God, I’m uncertain. What do I feel? I’m torn. I trust You, yet I worry. How will I know Your Will? How will I know Your voice? What do You want me to do? What direction do You want me to go? I’m uncertain.
Ironically, I received good news today, yet I’m sad because my focus is elsewhere in another direction. It’s like the girl who wrote me last night who identified with one of my stories saying that sometimes she looks at her husband and kids playing like they are someone else’s family. I’m disconnected too. I’ve stared into space tonight searching for direction. I’m uncertain.
I’m confused. My mind is going in too many directions. Lord, I cry out to You for Your peace and for Your discernment and wisdom. I just wrote about Your peace. I know it’s within Your Spirit who lives in me. Yet, I’m still uncertain.
I know You have a direction and a plan for me and You will provide, yet I’m uncertain. I know You can miraculously work with the mess I’ve made with my life, yet I’m still uncertain.
You know the future and it’s not for me to know, but to trust and take one day at a time. I’ve been doing that to a point but how much longer will I need to do that? (The answer is my whole life) I’m discouraged right now about the direction for the near future because I’m uncertain.
The rejection I have received from the countless hours of job searching leaves me wondering if I am useful. I’ve gained a new understanding of those who are out of work. Before, I thought them lazy and not really trying, but that may not be true, because it’s not true of me. When I think of the future regarding work, I’m uncertain.
Some of my friends are there for me, but aren’t here for me and I need them. Some of them that are here aren’t really here. It’s hard for them because I push away and then pull and they don’t know what to do. They have lives of their own and I’m alone and uncertain.
Just as David cried out is the Psalms, I cry out to You my heart’s yearning desire for Your comfort. I fear that I’ve been so wrapped up in me time that I’ve left out You and that’s why I’m uncertain. God, You are in control of all things. You love me. You are a friend who is closer than a brother. You will never leave me and you will never forsake me. Nothing can snatch me from Your Hand. Of that I am certain.
Lord, no matter what happens, if everything falls apart, if all abandon me, I know You will be there. That’s really all I need. I just want my head and heart to agree. I am certain I want to follow Your direction.