Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Beginnings (05/31/04)
TITLE: The 10,950 New Beginning By Dian Moore 06/07/04 |
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I pull the bed covers up, content. I have cleared the slate with God and I'm good to go tomorrow. I'm glad he keeps forgiving me. Each night I get to start all over again.
“Dear God, please forgive me. I sinned again today. I’m really sorry and won’t do it again. Thank you.”
Another day down the tubes. Will I never get it right? I start the day filled with good intentions, and before I even leave the house—it’s too late. I have already sinned. I might as well fill the rest of the day with ugliness. God will forgive me again tonight. Tomorrow will be another fresh start.
“Dear God, please, please forgive me. I can’t seem to quit sinning. I am really trying, but I’m not doing very well. I hope you will forgive me, again. Thank you.”
This time I sin before I leave my bed. My first thought is how angry I am at Mother. She has become needy and clingy. I dread being with her. Can’t she see I’ve got my own life to live?
“Dear God, I think I have broken all of your Commandments. How do I stop? Can’t you just stop me? Why do you let me do these things? I hate asking for your forgiveness everyday. And you must be sick of it, too. You’ve given me 10,949 do-overs.”
“Dear Child, I’m only waiting for you to surrender your life to me. If you let me cleanse your life and make it fresh with new things, you will cease sinning over and over. Please, submit your life to me, and I will be in charge. I promise you won't regret it."
“I’m sorry God. I can’t seem to give up this control. I’m afraid of the beginning you have in mind for me. I won’t be able to have any fun in my life anymore. Besides, you know I’m a control freak.”
“Hmmm. Yes, you are a controller. I think you will be surprised at how much you will enjoy what I have prepared for you, if you let go and let me.”
“Let me think about it.”
Today I hurt my Mother’s feelings out of pure meanness. I am ashamed to approach God this time. All I do is sin, ask forgiveness; sin and ask forgiveness; then sin some more. If my child was acting this way, I would set out some harsh consequences for his behavior. I fear God’s consequences.
“Hi God. It’s me again. I am a terrible person and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I can’t even forgive myself. How can I be so cruel to the people I love the most?”
“When Satan controls you, as he does all who do not submit to me, your actions and sins will continue go grow in evilness and ugliness. All I ask for is your surrender. Surrender equals a new beginning. If you surrender, you will be able to rest and let the Holy Spirit guide your thoughts and actions. It’s really very simple.”
Could I surrender my life to God? After all, I’ve always been the controller. I was sick from thinking of it. What would happen to my old life? Would God supply me with a brand new beginning? What does that mean—a new beginning? Could I survive not being in control?
“Dear Child, I know where your fear comes from. Do you? Think back to your parent’s divorce. You were only 11 years old when your world was shattered. You thought you had to be responsible because no one else was in charge."
“I do remember. I hadn’t thought of how my past has made me act this way today. But, I see what you mean. You were always there—I even saw you once!”
“I haven’t changed, Child. I am still watching. I worry your walk will lead you far away from the path which belongs to you. I’m also afraid you are running out of beginnings.”
“I’m afraid too, Father. Will you let me start again, with a true, fresh beginning?”
“Your Beginning #10,950 started ten seconds ago. Don't forget: it is impossible to be frightened when I am in control of beginnings, middles and ends. All you have to do is hand them over.”