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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: SNAP (05/28/26)
It’s embarrassing to think of all the times I’ve let accumulated stress explode past my lips in venomous speech to whoever might be in the path of my breakdown.

I look back and see how, at certain times, I just seemed to snap from a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky person to an enraged, bitter maniac.

What I didn’t know then was that I was living with undisclosed childhood trauma, PTSD, and a personality disorder, though I do not regard that as an excuse for the verbal abuse I spewed.

I’m so thankful for the unending grace and mercy of my Lord Jesus Christ and the healing offered by Him for physical, emotional, and spiritual afflictions. I only wish someone could guarantee that I would never have to experience another unhinged episode.

The unpredictability of PTSD triggers is the most disheartening aspect of the disorder.

I’ve experienced trigger events that have lasted over a week and left me with no memories of the entire time.

About five years ago, I witnessed my dog get attacked and almost killed by another dog. We lived in an isolated community, and when my husband called the vet, they told him to go to a clinic four hours away. They were still open; they just didn’t do ‘emergencies’.

I found out after some months had passed that I had phoned the vet clinic later that week and blasted them; yelling, crying; out of my mind. I have no memory of this and carry such shame over my actions.

Even typing this story has me shaking and on the edge of losing it. I’m thankful for the protocols I have learned and the power of the Holy Spirit.

One passage I cling to is Philippians 4:6-9

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” NASB1995

This is my roadmap, treatment plan, and inoculation from the effects of trauma on my life.

And even when I have another breakdown, or suddenly snap out of reality into reaction, I know that “The eternal God is a dwelling place, And underneath are the everlasting arms;” Deuteronomy 33:27 NASB1995

He has me.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Loni Bowden-Horn 
06/05/26
Your raw honesty is deeply moving and will undoubtedly help others who feel isolated by trauma.

Thank you for pointing so clearly to Jesus as the ultimate healer.Please be gentle with yourself. The moments where PTSD takes over are reflections of a medical condition, not a lack of faith by a debilitating illness.

You are completely forgiven, fully loved, and securely held in those everlasting arms.
Helen H-S
06/12/26
Thank you for courageously sharing this personal essay and the encouragement to look to the Lord for healing.

I have read that PTSD that's suppressed can manifest in autoimmune diseases.

Your experience makes me aware of another way it can manifest and now I will know to give greater grace when I witness a verbal explosion.