Love That Will Not Let Go | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Love That Will Not Let Go | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Lawrence
08/10/23
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Camilla’s heart aches watching Ron’s anger consume his ability to receive or give love. One moment he’s like a handsome strutting chicken and then—a cruel attacking rooster.

Ron’s story? His father trained him to fight in the ring, egged him on and then kicked him out. He turned Ron over to a godfather with the charge “turn him into a gangster.” That’s how Ron came to see the world as a pit and himself as a gamecock, trained to inflict pain. Ron’s memories of his father tossing him into the hands of evil left him unable to believe in a Heavenly Father’s love.

Camilla grew up experiencing neglect and abuse. She married young to escape poverty and cruelty—seeking love. But that first abusive marriage landed her in a psychiatric ward, broken and hopeless. Divorced and rejected by her children, she understood anger and the helplessness of being unloved.

But Camilla’s story has a chapter of miraculous inner healing. When she was filled with despair, hopeless, there was a knock on her door. There stood a stranger, Jan, with a convincing message from the Lord. Jan brought with her the Holy Spirit’s power and Camilla was healed of her inability to believe she was loved by the Lord. The Spirit of Jesus filled her with His compassion and love. She could love because she knew now she was loved.

When she met Ron in her forties, she saw her former self and ached for him. She yearned for Ron to know the love of Jesus like she did. He had no concept of love or of God. She prayed that she might be used to show him God’s love, like Jan did for her.

One night she had a dream, a vision of terrible darkness; but the Lord whispered to her that He would be with her in that darkness. She did not know the meaning of that vision until she married Ron. Marriage to Ron was a Hosea-like assignment—to be a flesh and blood example of forgiving sacrificial love.

Camilla is the most forgiving person I’ve ever met. Ron has given her lots of practice. He hoped to exchange his gangster lifestyle for Camilla’s life of walking in God’s power. But his training in inflicting pain, being dedicated to evil, trips him up. He needs more than Camilla’s example to gain victory over his consuming anger. He’s seen the power of God in her, but he’s not experienced that power himself.

A crazy timeline of the last twenty-five years would include Ron’s suicide threats, cursing, drugs, drinking, adultery, his cruel accusations—finally a divorce and his marriage to someone else. When that marriage exploded and he was suicidal, he turned back to Camilla.

What amazes me is Camilla’s forgiving love and her willingness to bear the pain of Ron’s loathing of her—and then of his dependence on her.

Camilla had a heart attack and was at death’s door. Ron was terrified of losing her. He cried out to God and God heard his prayer. Ron said he gave His life to God and was filled with the Holy Spirit. He prayed with her and for her. Camilla was ecstatic. Ron finally loved God—and he loved her!

Approaching eighty, he begged Camilla to marry him again. Everyone who knows them advised her against marrying him. But neither can afford to live alone, nor can they take care of themselves without caregiver help. So they found a subsidized two-bedroom place where, sharing expenses and caregivers, they hoped to live together as platonic friends, enjoying spiritual fellowship.

But fellowship? Yes, they can pray and read the Bible together, but then . . . He batters her soul. “You ugly whore! You should be dead!” She calls me for prayer. The next day he’s sorry, but unrepentant.

He’s not yet seriously hurt her physically but threatens to kill her. She calls the police. It goes on and on. But so does her pity for his broken soul. She calls me to pray. Each time she thinks she can’t bear his anger any longer, God breathes on her, giving her more grace.

Only Ron’s Heavenly Father can undo his earthly father’s damage. We pray for Ron to be given the power to grasp the length and depth of His love, to be filled with all the fullness of God—as Camilla experienced through Spirit-filled Jan those many years ago. Camilla’s God-given compassion and mercy compel her love for Ron, empowering her to not let go.

Non-fiction

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