Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: CONFUSION (07/20/23)
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TITLE: Who's There? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jack Taylor
07/25/23 -
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A lone figure, looking more like a discarded heap of rags at the side of the road, craned his head. The rat’s nest on his bony skull and the scraggly bush on his chin marked him as he squeezed his eyelids and angled an ear toward the turmoil approaching. “What’s happening?” he called out.
A second bundle of tattered cloth stumbled up and flopped beside him. “Whatever it is, it’s big. I didn’t want to be trampled sitting on the other side.”
The knotted stick of olive which supported him was smooth in his calloused hands. Years of carving to try and earn a living had been a worthless quest. Begging had earned him mockery, but enough coin to still his rumbles inside. Some days, as he breathed in his own scent, he understood why others threw their coin at him from a distance, why Shimon sat across the road. Shimon, his blind companion, had been dumped at his side by a family member and few others stopped for conversation.
The patch of dirt near the ditch had been chosen deliberately today as it had been day after day, month after month and year after year. The residential oasis with Herod’s palace, the rabbinical school, the homes of the nobility and the noisy agora marked the Jericho nearest the Jordan and its proximity to the tumbling heap of bricks from an original settlement.
The administrative center, marking the Roman Jericho, lay behind the two beggars. Outside that bustling beehive, sitting between the two Jerichos, they avoided the hassle of tax collectors, soldiers and religious bigots who mocked them for whatever sin had cursed them with unseeing eyes.
Slithering sandal leather shushed against the desert sand nearby. A swirl of dust crusted the crumbled heaps of forgottenness. “Who’s there? What’s happening?”
“Keep your silence, son of Timaeus,” the voice said. “Your blindness has cursed you to always live in confusion-to never really know what is going on around you.”
“Johanna? Is that you? Surely a priest like you can have compassion on a beggar like me. Throw us a morsel of understanding as to who might be passing.”
“It’s no one who has time for the likes of you,” Johanna said. “Yeshua of Nazareth is leading his followers toward Passover. Some think he is the Messiah come to claim his place in our nation. What you hear is the swell of a nation rising to claim its place in our world.”
“I’ve heard of Yeshua,” the other beggar declared. “The true offspring of our own King David. He’s a healer.”
Bartimaeus struggled to his knees. “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
“Hush yourself,” Johanna said. “Don’t bother the Master. He is far too busy for the likes of you.”
Shimon struggled to his knees beside his friend and both men extended their hands. “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!”
“Hush! Both of you.”
“Lord, Yeshua, Son of David, have mercy on us!” The duet of voices swelled above the crowd noise. “Lord, Son of David have mercy on us!”
Movement stilled like a storm evaporating. The dust settled. A youthful voice broke through. “Cheer up! On your feet. He’s calling you.”
Bartimaeus flung his cloak aside, revealing the tattered tunic that hugged his bony body. Strong arms hoisted him to his feet and shepherded him across the roadway. Shimon shuffled right beside him. Odors of spice and perfume and rich cloth enveloped them as the crowd stepped closer. More confusion closed in on him like a net around a school of sardines. What would happen now?
“What do you want me to do for you?” a compassionate voice inquired.
“Lord, teacher, we want our sight,” Bartimaeus answered, placing gnarled fingers under his eye.
Silence lingered in the air for the breadth of a hummingbird’s wingbeat. “Receive your sight. Go! Your faith has healed you.”
And from the void and confusion of darkness, like the first creation, there was light. A smiling, joyful, compassionate face. He saw it all. Palm trees, donkeys, Johanna, Shimon, walls and most of all, Yeshua.
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God Bless~
Very,very much.
I think it is a winner.
My feedback on the actual composition is offered as a personal preference only.
The words you wrote were fragrant and evocative. For me a few too many adjectives distracted me. One single powerful adjective would have delivered such a beautiful and unforgettable note.
Please keep writing.
God BLess~