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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: MOURNING / MORNING (02/02/23)
I was sitting in the hot tub one morning. The Pacific Northwest spring was singing all around me. But I didn’t hear song. I heard mourning.

A few days before I had experienced what I’ve come to know as spiritual abuse.

I never experienced abuse before but I was exhibiting all the tell-tale signs: staying in a darkened room or under the covers in my bed; high anxiety to the point of paralyzation; paranoia to the point that I could feel Death stalk me: needing to shower multiple times a day.

Though I don’t want to rehash the details I do want to be clear it was not anyone in authority that acted unbecomingly. It was someone on my music ministry team.

I didn’t realize the depth of the trauma for many years. But I distinctly remember that morning in the hot tub. It was the first time I had been out of the house. I was extremely anxious but wanted to find forward movement somehow.

Then I heard the mourning. Such a plaintive cry. It shook me from the depths of my own sorrow to open my eyes and ears a little wider to find the source.

I love birds. I’m not a ‘birder’ exactly. I don’t have the eye for detail necessary to be a serious 'birder’. But I am curious. And I know how to use a bird book, and the internet, for identification.

So I took a couple of deep breaths, opened my eyes and looked around.

There, on a wire not even thirty feet away, was the source of the mourning. I noted it’s colour, shape and distinctive markings but immediately I knew what it was.

PaPa God spoke into my spirit.

“It’s a Mourning Dove. But it’s also My Morning Dove. I sent it as a sign to remind you that I AM here. I AM close to the broken hearted and a bent reed I will not break.” Psalms 34:18; Isaiah 42:3

Tears of gratitude flowed freely as I released the anger and bitterness hovering so close. I began to pray for the one who abused me. I released forgiveness and asked God for forgiveness for the hatred I felt toward him.

I wish I could say relationship was restored. But it never fully was. I grieved over this for a long time till one day PaPa God showed me not all endings here on Earth are happy.

Although I’ve experienced other trauma and loss since this event, and spent other nights in mourning, I hold on to the truth that PaPa always sends His Morning Dove to comfort me.



Non-Fiction

If you would like to find Christ Centred help for anyone who has been affected by spiritual abuse check out https://www.facebook.com/ssa.restart
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Bonnie Clarkson
02/10/23
It is difficult to critique such a personal story. You did a good job in describing how God spoke to you. We have many mourning doves where I live, and I loved the thought of it also being a morning dove.

Good job and keep writing.
Barbara Culler 
02/13/23
Good story.

I would love to have more details. How did the abuse affect you? Why did you feel the need to hide?

I think a bit more information would help the story become more effective.
Laurie Kiel 
02/16/23
Thank you for sharing your story and help for others who experience spiritual abuse. It was beautifully and heartfelt told. I love the phrase “Papa God”, Great job and congrats on your EC placing.