Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: MOURNING / MORNING (02/02/23)
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TITLE: An Idol of Marriage | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Lawrence
02/07/23 -
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I slowly measure the joy of this particular morning . . . I slept soundly . . . Thank you, Lord. I needed that.
I rub my eyes . . . open them . . . and smile. There is light . . . It is morning.
Rolling out of bed, I head for the coffee pot . . . and thermostat. Outside, everything sparkles with frost . . . I stretch . . . full of thanksgiving that my recent bout of sickness is finally over and my body feels normal again. Oh Lord, what a blessing! A good night’s sleep. So healing and refreshing . . . But you said there’s no night in heaven . . . No sleeping? . . . But I love delicious sleep. . . Well, knowing You, You must have something even better in store.
Back to bed with my coffee. It’s the most comfortable place to be until the heater warms the house again.
Opening my One-Year-Bible, it dawns on me . . . It’s February 2nd, our anniversary! Groundhog’s Day—1962. So long ago. We had no idea what we were getting into. Strangers . . abandoning ourselves to You and Your future for us . . . Practically strangers to You. But You must have been there . . . though I thought I was alone . . . Such a child still . . . eighteen . . .
I’m almost eighty now. Carl has been gone for seven years . . . My neighbor assumes I’m mourning. Each anniversary she brings me pink tulips because once upon a time I mentioned I had pink tulips in my bridal bouquet. She remembers the anniversary when I’ve forgotten . . . Should I feel guilty that I do not mourn? Fifty-three years we lived side by side.
Well not really side by side . . . He traveled for days . . . sometimes weeks . . . a couple months at a time. His job responsibilities and his spiritual passions took him far away often . . . through the years . . . But we were very married, weren’t we Lord? Committed to serve You wherever You assigned either of us. Me at home . . . Carl . . . often on the other side of the world.
Perhaps all that time apart then . . . is why being apart now has not led to mourning? I learned to turn to You for all my needs and desires . . . Prayer . . . and the letters in the Bible . . . brought more comfort than letters to and from Carl that took weeks to arrive.
Hmmm . . Lord, today we could have texted . . . Wonder if people do that instead of praying . . . Our phones are more present today to us . . . then Your presence . . . But You were my Go-To!
I did mourn back then. I mourned for a oneness with Carl that never developed . . . perhaps it was stillborn . . . I hoped for more emotional connection between us . . . but he could not understand my longing . . . my dissatisfaction . . . I hoped a connection was growing . . . invisibly . . . inside . . . I grieved . . . I wept . . . I groaned each time marriage in itself was not enough . . . I cried out to You to help Carl see and satisfy this longing in my soul.
But You said, “No.” Oh Lord, You were so compassionate and tender in Your refusal.
It was then I knew I was asking amiss. I wanted something from Carl that only You could give me . . . These many years later . . . I realize he wanted the same from me . . . and I was no more capable of being one with him . . . than he was of being one with me.
But Lord! Oh Lord! You have made us one with You! . . . The only thing I mourn today is having grieved You by making an idol of marriage . . . But You graciously forgave me . . . and brought me to my senses . . . YOU became the Oneness You meant marriage to foreshadow.
I can’t help but shout: The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come!” Oh, come quickly, Lord Jesus!
(And yes, Lord, I know you are here, but You know what I’m longing for.)
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I agree with the previous commenter that there are too many ellipsis. It slows the story. For example: "No sleeping? . . . But I love delicious sleep." The word sleep ties the two sentences together and should go together.
Keep writing.